Teambuilding
by obsidianLight16
Summary: Pein's had enough of his members' bickering. So what else to do but make them go through some great bonding exercises?
1. In the Beginning

**A/N: Yet another fic on the 'loving' family that Akatsuki makes up~ (I pick on Hidan and Kakuzu because I love them)**

**The ideas keep popping up one after another! Good for you huh? :D**

**Warning: Language, OOC, slight violence...**

**Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot belongs to me.**

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><p>"Hey…get up."<p>

Deidara mumbled incoherently under his breath, pulling his sheets higher above his head.

"Come on, come on. Get up already!" Sasori snapped, trying to yank the covers off the blonde.

"No…" Deidara curled onto his side, bundling himself together.

"Get up."

"No."

"Deidara get up right now!"

"NO!"

Sasori frowned and then gave the lump a hard kick in its side.

Deidara was up in an instant, blue eyes flashing as he threw the covers off of him and tackled the shorter male to the ground. Sasori grunted and tried to push the livid boy off of him as they rolled around, bumping into the dresser and slamming against the bedroom door. The blonde's long hair kept stabbing him in the eye and his unnaturally sharp nails were making very fine scratch marks on his skin. On top of that-

Did Deidara just _bite _him?

Sasori growled, grabbing Deidara by the neck and throwing him onto the bed. He pushed up his sleeves before flexing his fingers and pouncing on the teen wrestler style. "AAAARRRGGHHH!"

"AHHH! My _spleen _you bastard!"

"Will you two fucking SHUT UP?" Hidan yelled at them, storming into the blonde's bedroom in anger. "Every morning you fuckers do this!"

Sasori looked over his shoulder from where he had pinned Deidara onto his stomach, both arms twisted painfully behind his back. "Well I don't like your face either," he randomly huffed.

Hidan felt a vein pop. "That has nothing to do with what I said you damn puppet!"

"At least he has friends yeah!" Deidara exclaimed, squirming in an attempt to break out of his partner's grasp.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOUCHE BAGS TALKING ABOUT!" Hidan screamed, lunging at the two with a crazed roar.

Sasori's eyes widened and he quickly rolled off Deidara, leaving the blonde for Hidan to crash onto. Deidara shrieked in a very unmanly manner, kicking and punching at the immortal with flailing limbs. Sasori would have walked out the room had it not been for Hidan throwing Deidara off and the bed and straight into him. The redhead and blonde smacked into one another and crashed to the floor.

Hidan snickered, triumphantly standing on top Deidara's bed with his hands on his hips. "You didn't think you could fucking take me on did you bitches?"

Sasori stood with a glare, extending a hand to help his partner up as well. "Is that a challenge?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

Hidan put a finger to his chin in mock thought. "Let me fucking think about it… HELL YEAH!"

Deidara began cracking his knuckles, glancing to Sasori as he did so. "What do you say to teaming up un?"

"I think I can deal with that," Sasori replied.

And they both turned murderous gazes to a suddenly worried Jashinist.

Hidan sweatdropped, raising his hands. "O-Oi…"

"GET HIM!"

"W-WHOA! NOT MY GODDAMN SPLEEN YOU ASSWIPES!"

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><p>Pein sighed, listening to the sounds of bickering and struggle coming from the floor above. They had to move from their livable headquarters to this hidden rock base precisely <em>because <em>the neighbors complained about 'rambunctious juvenile behavior'.

Kakuzu stumbled into the kitchen a few seconds later, hands held over his ears as he blearily blinked. "Oh my God someone shut them up!" he shouted.

Pein waved him over to the table placatingly. "Itachi's already on it."

Sure enough, a few moments later came the horrified screams.

"RUN! THE MONSTER'S AWAKE!" Deidara's voice yelled.

"QUICK- LET'S SACRIFICE HIDAN!" Sasori yelled back.

"WHAT? MOTHERFUCKIN' ASSHOLES!"

The noise that came next sounded _strangely _like a giant ball of fire had been blasted through the hallways. But Pein knew he must be mistaken, because he had strictly enforced a no-fire-jutsu-in-the-base rule.

The sprinklers went off.

There were mixed screams of surprise all throughout the base from those that had still been asleep or were tending to their own business.

Except for Zetsu. His screams were ones of delight as his collection of plants had been watered for the day.

"Leader-san…"

Pein looked across the table at Kakuzu whose hair was plastered to his face. He could feel his own hair flattening at the onslaught of water. "Yes. Is there something wrong?"

Kakuzu gave him a dark glare.

Pein frowned. "As your leader and father figure, I command you to give me only looks of interest and happiness," he said.

If anything, Kakuzu's glare darkened as he made his way to the kitchen doorway. "I'll be back," he growled. "I now have to make several calls to furniture stores to replace all of our sofas and carpets once again."

"How do we turn these sprinklers off?" Deidara's loud proclamation questioned from closer to the stairs.

"Don't worry," came Sasori's much calmer voice. "We'll just stuff Hidan's mouth over one of them. That way we kill two birds with one stone."

Hidan, who was presumably behind them, let out a squawk of igdignation. "Why do you two always have to fuckin' gang up on me?"

"Because you're annoying," the artists chimed.

"BITCHES!"

"WAAAHHH! HIDAN'S GONE CRAZY UN!" Deidara screamed.

Several loud crashes resounded through the halls again, followed by more terrified shrieking as Itachi took to silencing them once more.

Kakuzu glowered, turning with a harrumph. "Looks like our bill has gone up for wall expenses as well."

Pein stared after him and then let out a deep breath, placing his head in a palm. "Unruly idiots…" he muttered.

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><p>Gathered in the living room after the uneventful morning, was the full Akatsuki group, a large majority glowering at each other. It might have been a bit unnerving had it not been for the fact that they were all drenched and in their nightclothes.<p>

Pein stood in the center of the tense atmosphere, prepared for the headache that was sure to come. "Alright. I've tried being civil about this but my point has obviously not gotten across-"

"What point?" Kakuzu asked.

"The point of being civil and not interrupting your elders dammit!" Pein roared.

Kakuzu blinked. "You're younger than me."

"Shut up. Anyway," he avoided looking at the medic nin. "As a result, I am subjecting you all to confinement in the same room until you get over your differences and can act as a loving family."

"Aren't we a criminal organization?" Kakuzu dryly asked.

"Kakuzu you're really pissing me off," Pein said as an eye twitched.

Deidara scoffed, picking at his nails and purposefully flicking the dirt underneath at Itachi who sat beside him on the sofa. "When does he _not _piss anyone off?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "In bed."

Konan and Hidan who had been sitting next to him on the floor, immediately scooted away.

Itachi grabbed Deidara's wrist before the blonde could put anymore specks of grime in his lap, onyx eyes flashing red. "Do you mind?" he coldly asked.

Deidara sneered and chomped the Uchiha's wrist.

"Son of a-!" Itachi released his hold, Sharingan now activated and brow twitching as he cradled the bitten hand. "You pesky little brat," he seethed, cool demeanor gone. "I'm going to kill you-"

Pein coughed. "That's quite enough. You know what? Instead of making you all sit together and risk having to move to yet _another _base," he gave everyone pointed looks, "I think we should do some teambuilding exercises. All of you out in the front yard, now."

Zetsu spoke up for the first time, in nothing but striped boxers. "Um...Leader-san, can't we change first?"

As if noticing their attire, and his own, for the first time, Pein bobbed his head. "You have five minutes. Anyone not out there will suffer my wrath, understood?"

Kisame and Hidan guffawed behind their hands.

Pein's stormy eyes turned onto them. "Is there something funny?" he asked in a dark voice.

"_Suffer my wrath_," Kisame mimicked, pushing to his feet. "Nope. Nothing at all."

"_Ho ho ho, understood?" _Hidan added with a snicker as he also started to leave the room. "Haha! Fucker!"

Pein felt thunderclouds gather above his head as the other members quietly sniggered and left to change, eyes shadowed. "Stupid immature members..." he muttered as the small cloud over top started to rain.

Tobi peeked over the orange-haired man's shoulder curiously. "Should Tobi crack the lightning yet?"

"GO CHANGE _NOW!" _Pein roared, spit flying everywhere and flames rising up behind him.

Tobi let out a deep chuckle, sauntering off mischeviously. "As you command, _Leader-sama_."

Pein smacked a palm to his face.

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><p><strong>AN: To be continued...next!**


	2. The First Task

**A/N: Quick updates for your kind souls ;)**

**Warning: Language, OOC, slight violence...**

**Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot belongs to me.**

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><p>Exercise 1:<p>

Pein faced the group of lined of missing nin, all dressed in their usual shinobi attire except for their cloaks. It was summer and way too hot to even think of putting the abominations on. He held two different colored headbands in one hand and a long thick rope with large knots in the other.

"Leader-san," Kisame finally spoke up, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over them. "What are we supposed to be doing again?"

"Silence," Pein ordered. He held up the headbands. "You will all be splitting into teams of two for the rest of the day, competing against the other team for victory. I will put you through a series of tests which should hopefully improve your teammwork and tolerance for one another. At the end, the team who has won the most rounds will get the grand prize."

Kakuzu raised a hand. "Is it money?"

"I should kill you," Pein told him. He looked at everyone else. "Now- I'll call the team captains and list off the teams. Break off into them without complaint and then we'll start the first test."

They looked at him expectantly.

"Well I think it's obvious who one of the captain's is un," Deidara smirked, stepping forward. "Alright Leader-san, who's on my team?"

Pein grit his teeth, a vein popping. "Did I say you were a captain? No! Now get back in place!"

Deidara blew a raspberry and huffed, but did as told.

"Team one..." Pein growled, holding out five blue headbands. "Kisame, Hidan, Sasori, Zetsu, and Konan. The captain is Konan. Hurry up and form before I lose my patience."

Sasori took one of the headbands with a bored look, tying it around his forehead and watching as the others on his so-called team did the same. "Well we're going to lose," he said.

Konan whacked him over the head. "You don't know that!"

"Yeah bitch! We're _so _gonna win this fucking thing!" Hidan enthusiastically exclaimed.

Sasori lifted his eyes to the sky. "Right. With you on my side victory is assured," he dryly said.

Hidan felt a nerve twitch. "Listen here puppet boy-"

Zetsu sighed to himself as the redhead and immortal began bickering in the background. "We work better alone**." "No_. I _work better alone. Don't drag yourself into this**." "I'm a part of you idiot**." "Don't fucking insult me stranger. I'll kill you**." White Zetsu heaved another sigh. "Nevermind."

Kisame held up his arms, trying to calm Hidan down. "Let's not fight before the test even starts. If we argue, we're bound to lose."

"Hmph." Hidan scowled and turned away. "What the fuck ever."

Sasori gave a smug smile.

Pein, trying to ignore the Blue team's antics, faced the remaining four members. He held out a bundle of red headbands. "Itachi, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Tobi. You and myself will be team two. I am the captain. Any problems? I won't take complaints for an answer."

"Why the hell am I paired with Itachi un?" Deidara fiercely glared, snatching a red headband from his leader's hand and replacing his hitai-ate with it. The others seemed to have done the same.

"I just said no complaints!" Pein yelled at him. "Are you deaf?"

"Hm? What un?" Deidara cast him a blank look, obviously not listening.

Pein felt his fingers clench and unclench, whirling around to gather the attention of the others. "Stop talking this instant," he commanded hearing low murmurs from his fellow members. They quieted. Their leader nodded to himself before beginning to speak again. "The first test is quite simple. I don't see how any of you could possibly screw it up. You'll stand on opposite sides of that pit," he pointed to a large hole full of mud a good amount of distance away, "take hold of either end of this rope," he lifted the rope he held, "and try and pull the other team in. No trickery, no jutsus, no chakra. Just your strength alone."

Itachi stared at him, looked at who his teammates were, and then looked back to his leader. "Excuse me Leader-san, but why am I on a team full of weaklings?" he jabbed a thumb at the group of three behind him.

"Hey!" Deidara shouted, popping a vein.

Kakuzu harrumphed while Tobi resisted the urge to give the Uchiha the middle finger. _If only you knew who I was little runt..._

Pein narrowed his eyes. "I am on your team as well Itachi, don't forget that. Your team is stronger than you think." Itachi muttered something that sounded vaguely like, 'Yeah right,' but he passed it off as a bad cough. "Enough chatter. Everyone get your asses to that pit."

~X~

"Why are your arms practically around me?" Deidara sneered, trying to inch up a few steps.

"They're nowhere near to your revolting body," Itachi replied in an equally annoyed voice.

"If anything's revolting un, it's your face."

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"Both of you quit arguing," Pein snapped.

"Leader-san, is there a reason why I'm in the front?" Kakuzu questioned.

"Yeah," Deidara scoffed. "So we can use you as a meat shield when we lose."

Kakuzu felt a vein start to throb, looking over his shoulders at the blonde. "You-"

"Can we start already?" Tobi loudly asked from behind them all. "Tobi's hands are slipping on the rope."

Pein sighed. "Yes, yes. Let me check and see if the other guys are ready."

~X~

"Why the _fuck _are you standing in the back?" Hidan angrily said from the front of the line.

"So if we lose, your annoying face will land in first," Sasori uninterestedly replied. "Now turn around and find something useful to stuff your mouth with. Like your fist."

Hidan almost released his hold on the rope. "Stupid-ass wooden doll," he grumbled. "You're lucky I want to win and Kisame's giant-ass body is in the way."

"Hey! You weigh twice as much as me," Kisame shot back. "And all of mine is muscle."

"What! Fuck you!" Hidan cried. "Your brain is what's made out of fucking muscle asshole!"

"Could you three please calm down?" Zetsu politely asked.

Hidan gave him a nasty glare. "Could you shut the fuck up and get out of our conversation?"

"It's not a conversation when I'm in between you guys," Zetsu said, slightly aggravated. **"So why don't _you _shut the fuck up before I castrate you and eat what I've ripped off."**

A chill ran up the Jashinist's spine.

"You guys are so immature," Konan daintily huffed. "Violent like a bunch of primative beasts."

"As if you're any different," Kisame muttered.

Konan's eye twitched. "Shut up Kisame."

"HEY! ARE YOU GUYS READY OVER THERE?" Pein's voice shouted from across the long mud pit.

Konan waved her middle finger around as a reply.

~X~

"Hey, looks like she doesn't like you either un," Deidara snickered.

"Shut the hell up," Pein said, turning his attention to the other team. "ON MY MARKS THEN!"

The other team visibly tensed, as did his own.

"GET SET!"

"Stop shouting in my ear," Itachi grouched.

Pein kicked him in the back of the leg. "PULL!"

And so the Red Team lined up in the following order: Kakuzu, Deidara, Itachi, Pein, and Tobi- faced off against the Blue Team consisting of: Hidan, Kisame, Zetsu, Konan, and Sasori.

An epic game of tug-o-war ensued.

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><p><strong>AN: until next time...**


	3. TugOWar!

**A/N: Wow guys, thank you _all _for the reviews. I'm not really that good of a writer compared to what wonders everyone else creates but... Thanks! **

**I really love you all ^v6**

**Surprise! Week One is getting two additional chapters plus a bonus that has nothing to do with it! It'll be out this Thursday :D**

**Now for the story...**

**Warning: Language, OOC, slight violence...**

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><p>Both sides pulled at the same time, rope taunt with tension.<p>

"Aw crap un," Deidara muttered, hands uncomfortably wrapped around his section of the thick rope. "I forgot to put on gloves..."

"Can you still hold on?" Kakuzu grouched.

Deidara looked offended, hands tightening considerably. "Of course hmm! Do I look like some sort of pansy to you?"

"Just making sure," Kakuzu said with a satisfied smirk.

Itachi quietly snorted, shifting an inch or two back as their team gained some leverage with the blonde's added strength. "Good. I'd hate to lose because you forgot to dress properly."

"Hey Itachi," Deidara started to say. "Why don't you shut up before you lose an eye?"

"And look like you? No way," Itachi smirked, taunting the blonde as his anger fueled the battle to lean more in their favor.

"Bastard un!"

Pein ignored the pair in front of him, measuring the distance from Kakuzu's feet to the end of the mud pit. He didn't care his teammates did to get the advantage. As long as they weren't losing.

Tobi on the other hand...

_I don't care who wins or loses this- I just want to see some people suffer! Although... I don't know what this 'punishment' for the losing team is. And Pein can be a sadistic bastard at times. Hmph. Better make sure my team wins then. _

"Tobi will lead us to victory!" The masked nin cheered with vigor.

"Shut your pie-hole un!"

Tobi's mood drastically darkened. _Little brat... Wait until this is all over... _

~X~

"We're not doing so hot," Zetsu commented from the middle of the line. **"Well I'll be damned."**

"Figures we'd be losing with a _girl _on our team," Sasori scoffed.

Konan's brow quirked as her elbow oh-so-accidentally collided with the puppet's face. "Come on Hidan- Kisame!" she barked. "What happened to your muscle?"

Hidan ground his teeth. "I'll show _you _muscle bitch." His grip suddenly tightened on the rope, not caring that the flesh on his skin was starting to rub off from the powerful tugs the other team was giving. "RAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!"

"Whoa!" Kisame stumbled back several feet as Hidan gave a vicious pull, gaining them a large amount of rope and sending Kakuzu closer to the pit's edge. "Way to go Hidan!"

Hidan smirked. "You ain't seen nothing yet bitches."

**"Don't think you'll get all the glory," **Black Zetsu's lips curled up, also beginning to pull harder.

~X~

"Stupid Hidan's war-cry seemed to give them some fighting spirit," Kakuzu grunted, sweat dripping down his brow. He was mere inches from falling into the pit.

"M-Maybe we should do one of our own?" Deidara suggested with a smirk on his face, fingers pink and raw.

Those on his team let out a round of weak chuckling.

"That might give Hidan another strong tug," Pein said. The muscles in his forearms were deeply lined, showing just how much effort he was putting into keeping his hold on the rope. "We need a burst of power, and quickly."

Itachi spared a glance at Kakuzu's feet. "We don't have much room left."

Tobi inwardly cackled, a dark aura of power rising out from his happy-go-lucky form. "Tobi will provide the power you need! HIYA!"

"Ugh!"

"Waah!"

Deidara and Kakuzu released startled cries as they were yanked back at least ten feet.

Pein smirked to himself. _As if our team would lose with Madara on it_, he snidely thought.

Kakuzu quickly righted himself as the head of the caboose, Deidara following after with a firmer grip on the rope than before.

"Nicely done Tobi!" Kakuzu shouted behind him.

"Thanks Kakuzu-san~" Tobi sang. "Get ready, Tobi's going to finish them off with the next pull!"

Kakuzu and the others steeled themselves.

"Here it comes! YAAAHHH!"

"Wha- augh!" Hidan was forcefully tugged off the edge as he fell for the mud below...

"We won't let you!" Konan and Sasori shouted in unison, twisting their wrists to pull their part of the rope closer to their bodies. Their feet twisted in the earth as they created an immovable base with their heels.

Hidan, Kisame, and Zetsu were prevented from collasping into the mud, instead raised halfway across the pit with their feet dangling in the air.

"Don't you dare let go!" Sasori ordered from the very back, eyes narrowed with the effort of keeping them up.

"Gotcha!" Kisame yelled back.

**"We won't lose," **Black Zetsu muttered. "But we can't exactly move either..."

Tobi felt his eyes turn to slits beneath his mask. _Damn Konan and Sasori. On fuckin' steriods. _"Tobi will not let the other team win! ROOOAAAARRRRR!"

His pull almost caused his own team's knees to buckle.

"OOOHHHH SHIT!" Hidan cried, vein on his neck bulging as he kept his determined hold on the rope.

"What the fuck?" Deidara cursed in wonder. "Half of their team is above the pit, that's gotta be cheating un."

Pein furrowed his brows and back up another few steps. "Not unless they fall in," he said.

"Hmph." Deidara glared across the pit at Sasori and Konan who had practically dug their heels into the ground from the amount of force they were using to keep their team from falling. _What kind of insane strength do those bastards have un? What a second..._

"I have an idea," Itachi and Deidara said at the same time.

Itachi glared at the head of blonde in front of him, seeing a hint of a blue eye doing the same.

"And just what is this idea?" Kakuzu muttered to prevent an argument.

"Tobi feels left out even though he's the one with the most power back here!" Tobi called with a hint of a warning in his voice. _Don't you dare exclude me fools. I control all of you!_

"Shut up Tobi un!"

"Waaah! Sempai you're so mean!" _Wait until you wake up with a kunai shoved down your throat._

"The idea?" Pein impatiently prodded. His grip was loosening. _What the hell are Konan and Sasori eating?_

"Hn."

"Well it goes a little something like-"

"_This_," Itachi and Deidara chimed, simultaneously releasing their hold on the rope.

Pein's brows flew high onto his head. "What the-" He jerked forward at the sudden loss of strength, ramming into Itachi's back and letting go of the rope as well. Deidara hurriedly scrambled to grab Kakuzu's ankles, preventing the older man from tumbling into the pit as Tobi crashed into Pein.

The group of five looked up just in time to see Kisame, Hidan, and Zetsu drop like a rock into the mud pit and Konan and Sasori fall back onto their butts, the rope flinging in their direction like a snapped rubber band.

"CHEATING BASTARDS!" Hidan roared, bursting out from the depths of the mud like a bog monster.

"You fell in," Deidara sneered, pushing to his feet. "So you lose, _baka_."

"He speaks the truth," Pein smugly said. "Get out the pit. Blue Team loses the first round."

Itachi also stood, brushing the dirt off his pants while warily eyeing Deidara. "Seems as if we had the same idea," he said.

"Well un, what can I say?"

Itachi and the others prepared themselves to hear the blonde boast.

But Deidara surprised the members on his team by merely shrugging with a wink. "Great minds think alike."

Itachi blankly stared and then smirked. "Indeed."

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><p><strong>AN: Well would you look at that? They're already bonding!**

**Ok, so I was hard at work with this and already had a nice amount typed out and ready to post for later. But I started typing it on here and didn't have it saved in Word, so the Internet just happened to crash and I lost all my hard work! BUUUTTTT- It doesn't matter so much anymore. Sure, I sobbed heartily for a good thirty minutes over my precious writing, but I figured I'd just rewrite it and make it better!**

**So hopefully, the next chapter, and everything after that, is good. **

**Sorry- I hope I didn't bore you with a part of my life story, seeing as it had nothing to do with the fic above in any way :P**


	4. Second Task

**A/N: Hooray! **

**So I think I'm just gonna post these chapters two at a time. I won't make you wait for just one.**

**Deidara: Isn't that what you're doing for your other story un?**

**No! Shut up! And I love you!**

**Deidara: Bi-polar...**

**Anyway... Enjoy this one as well!**

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><p>"Okay guys, now that you've seen what these tests are all about, I hope you've taken something away," Pein said, looking at both Teams gathered him. He couldn't help but grin. Three of them looked irritated and were covered with dry mud in the burning summer heat. "Now- the second test is just as simple. Two people from each team will be tied back-to-back and sent down that hole over there," he pointed to a thirty foot deep crevice in the ground. "They must climb out together and tag the hand of their two other teammates who will be tied together at the ankle. That pair will face off against one from the other team, running down this path," his finger indicated towards a flat grassy area, "and up that hill where their last teammate will be waiting."<p>

Everyone's eyes grew large at the sight of the giant slope their leader pointed to.

"I-Is that the hill we use for sledding?" Kisame managed to get out.

"That's the one," Pein smiled. "The last teammate will take one lap around the base, going back down the hill their teammates just ran up, to circle around, climb the hill from the back and then run down to the finish line which is where the beginning of the test took place."

"Um…" Deidara scratched the back of his head. "Leader-san? Won't the last person just fall into the hole if they don't stop quick enough?"

Pein clapped his hands. "Very good Deidara. No. Whoever is not running the last leg will be gathered around to make sure no one flies into the hole and dies. Does anyone else have questions?" He looked around at the flabbergasted Akatsuki members.

Hidan raised a hand. "Um yeah. What part of that was fucking simple?"

"The winning part," Pein said. "Now shut up and go decide amongst yourselves who will do what."

Hidan grumbled something foul under his breath but stomped over to where his team had huddled. "Alright fuckers. Who's going in the hole?"

Konan picked at her nails. "You and Zetsu."

"What!"

~X~

Pein surveyed his sparkly-clean group with a smirk. "Just because we won the first round and will probably win the rest, doesn't mean you can get big heads. I want to crush them in all that we do today."

"Hooray!" Tobi cheered, throwing his arms up into the air.

"Shut up Tobi," Deidara drawled.

Tobi lowered his arms with a hidden glower. _Keep it up you…_

"Alright then-" Pein stroked his chin in thought. "I want us to finish this race strong. So who out of all of us is the fastest?"

Kakuzu hummed in the back of his throat. "In terms of the fastest…I'd say it was Itachi, Tobi, and Deidara."

Pein felt an eye twitch. "That's half our team."

"Oh." Kakuzu blinked and then shrugged. "Well you're not exactly fast, and I know I'm not- so that takes us out of the equation."

Pein felt his lips turn up in a twitching smile. "Really now? Okay then, I've decided. Kakuzu, you and Tobi will be the ones tied down in the hole. Tobi, as you have all seen, has a large amount of hidden power."

"Why do I have to be with Tobi?" Kakuzu complained.

"Because you piss me off." Pein turned to his last two teammates. "In that retrospect, I think it would be best to have Itachi paired with me in the three-legged race."

Itachi crossed his arms and looked away. "Great. Trying to make me look slow."

Pein clouted him over the head. "That's not it! And I am not slow!"

Deidara snickered.

A vein popped on his leader's forehead. "I hate you all. Itachi, you're with me because Deidara's shorter than all of us. It would create problems for running in unison. And with your speed and mine combined, we can easily beat whoever our opponents are."

Itachi gave a heavy sigh in agreement before glancing at the blonde next to him. "That means that this victory is going to depend on you. If you screw up, you'll make us all look bad."

Deidara felt a vein throb, folding his arms and turning with a harrumph. "Then I suggest you give me a good enough lead un."

"Oh I will. Just don't trip like you usually do."

"Why don't you keep your mouth shut like you usually do?"

"Enough bickering you two," Pein interrupted. "It looks like the other team has chosen their positions. Let's go over and claim our victory shall we?"

~X~

"Are you guys ready?" Pein called down to the two pairs in the thirty foot deep hole.

Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Hidan grumbled, Tobi being the only one to give a thumbs up and scream, "HAI!"

Pein nodded and then stepped back. "Then on my mark…"

Hidan flexed his arms muscles.

"Get set…"

Tobi giggled, causing Hidan's head to whip around and glare at him.

Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"GO!"

And they were off!

…Or not. Neither of the pairs had any idea how to climb out the hole tied to each other's backs. So they sat there in the dark, trying to formulate a plan quicker than the other team.

"Fuck!"

~X~

Pein sweatdropped, moving away to look at everyone else. "This might take awhile. All of you get to your positions and wait until those idiots find a way to get out!"

Kisame and Konan immediately sat down, tying their ankles together with a small rope while whispering between themselves about victory plans and their strategy.

Pein watched his partner and the shark interact before shaking his head and sitting down to do the same with Itachi. "I have no idea with those guys are planning, but they're obviously going to lose," he jabbed a thumb over his shoulder at Konan and Kisame who had jumped to their feet, only to fall over to the ground from their massive height difference.

Itachi muttered in agreement. They did have a better chance since at least he and his leader were around the same height.

Pein glanced towards the hole, hearing curses from Hidan and cheerful exclamations from Tobi.

Yeah…they weren't getting out for a _long _time.

His gaze traveled past those nearest to him, to the pair of shinobi walking up the hill he and Itachi would have to race up.

~X~

"This should be a piece of cake hmm," Deidara snickered, folding his arms behind his head.

"What's so funny brat?" Sasori asked, glancing at him from the side.

"Oh nothing." Deidara smirked. "Just thinking about how great it'll be to see my team coming in first with _your _teammates still stuck at the bottom of this hill un."

Sasori felt a vein pop. "Is that so?" He scoffed and looked in the opposite direction. "If anyone's going to be stuck at the bottom of the hill, it's your team. And even if they _miraculously _made it up this hill, you would just ruin all their hard work by losing."

Now it was Deidara's turn to pop a vein. "I-Is that right?"

"Yeah."

"Well- you're gonna lose!"

"Tch. Don't go shouting lies."

"That's it! You're going down!"

"AAAGGHH!"

Pein and the others deadpanned as the two artists got into a wrestling match.

Itachi stared at the pair and then looked at his leader. "Are you sure we'll be alright?" he asked.

Pein waved a hand, though his brow kept quirking. "We'll be fine."

Somehow, Itachi doubted that.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Psh. Keep thinking that Leader-san... I'm with Itachi on this one. **


	5. Race for Victory!

Tobi crossed his arms delicately, thinking of what could possibly motivate his grumpy partner to move his ass up and out of the hole. _Well…the only thing I can think of is… _He grinned beneath his mask. "Tobi knows he saw Leader-san with a big stack of money as the grand prize," he wistfully sighed aloud. "If only Tobi and Kakuzu-san could get to the top…"

"Money?" Kakuzu's ears perked. "I KNEW IT!" he roared, rabidly flinging himself against the hole wall and beginning to scale it with his teeth. _Money, money, money, money-_

Tobi chuckled. _Hook, line, and sinker…_

"Shit!" Hidan looked over to see his partner climbing halfway up the wall and Tobi filing his nails. "Dammit! Come on Zetsu, think of something!"

"…."

"DID YOU FUCKING FALL ASLEEP ON ME?"

Zetsu's head drooped lower.

Hidan growled fiercely and turned his eyes to Tobi who was now openly mocking him with obscene gestures. "Sonuva…I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He jumped to his feet, ignoring the deadweight on his back as he leapt towards Tobi and Kakuzu.

Tobi squealed. _Oh FUCK!_

Hidan knocked into the side of them, smashing them both back onto the bottom of the hole.

~X~

"Hm?" Pein looked over his shoulder towards the crevice in the ground. "Sounds like they're finally getting a move on." He glanced at the Uchiha next to him, standing with an ever-so-bored look on his face. "You ready Itachi?"

Itachi slowly blinked. It was hot, and he was stuck next to his suddenly chipper leader. "I've been ready. Just try not to move when I start running. You might make our chances of losing even worse."

Pein popped a vein. "WHAT! WHY YOU-!"

Itachi plugged his ears with his fingers. "It seems like Sasori and Deidara have shut up for the time being," he said, looking at the top of the hill where the two artists sat in utter boredom.

"Are you ready to lose?" Konan asked as she approached, dragging Kisame along with her.

Pein gaped. "We are _not _going to lose."

Konan smirked. "With you running, I'm not so sure."

"OK! WHAT IS _WITH _YOU PEOPLE PICKING ON-!"

"Hey look!" Kisame interrupted, pointing towards the crevice. "I see a hand!"

The group of four eagerly looked towards the hole, deadpanning a moment later when the hand vanished from sight and Hidan's cry of, 'DAMN YOU ZETSU!', was heard.

Konan placed a palm to her head. "Please tell me they're not going to have to start from the beginning all over again…"

"This is getting no where," Itachi sighed, raising his eyes to the sky. "I want to eat dinner."

Pein smacked his across the head. "Stop complaining."

Itachi glared at him, Sharingan spinning. "Leader-san, _you_-"

There was a loud gasp from the hole behind them, Kakuzu appearing over the edge with Tobi flipped up on his back and Hidan clutching onto the masked man's waist with a vicious glare. Zetsu had finally woken up and was now gazing at the sky as Kakuzu struggled to pull himself out the crevice with everyone's body weight on him.

Kakuzu felt a vein pop. "Damn. You. Beached. Whales!" he roared, flinging Hidan and Zetsu away from him.

Incidentally towards Konan and Kisame.

The Blue Team hoorayed as Hidan and Zetsu barreled into Kisame's back.

Konan laughed as she and Kisame picked themselves off the ground and hobbled towards the sledding hill. "Head start for the win bitches!"

"Hurry up!" Pein barked at Kakuzu who was still seething and now frothing at the mouth.

Kakuzu stalked over, Tobi not even having to make an effort, before smacking his leader over the head with a hand. "Fine!"

"Itai!" Pein face-planted.

Itachi hauled the orange-haired man up by his elbow. "We're losing Leader-san," he intoned.

"I won't lose to Konan!" Pein shouted as he steadied himself, pointing a finger ahead. "Onwards!"

Itachi rolled his eyes, sprinting forward.

"Waah!" Pein fell backwards, now being dragged along as Itachi raced past Konan and Kisame.

"That's so cheating!" Konan exclaimed.

"Don't worry," Kisame chuckled. "I've got this all under control." He picked his teammate up under one arm before roaring with a glint in his eye towards Itachi.

Itachi looked behind him, blanching in horror. "What are you doing Kisame?" he shouted to his partner. "You're supposed to be running at Sasori- not me!"

"YAAAAHHHHH!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!"

Itachi picked up his pace, not caring if he was giving his leader a concussion as they started to head up the hill.

~X~

"Sasori-no-danna huh?" Deidara flicked his hair behind his shoulder, lowering into a running stance with a hand held out behind him. "I hope you're ready to lose."

"Hmph. You should be telling yourself that," Sasori mumbled back, standing straight with his arms crossed. "By the way- you look constipated."

"Nani?" Deidara fell forward, only to jump to his feet and point an accusing finger at his partner. "Shut up you! Don't pick on me just because I'm faster than you!"

"You're not faster than me."

"Why don't you just forfeit? It's obvious who has the most speed here," Deidara continued on, holding a hand out with a smirk.

Sasori gave him a smug look. "Do you honestly think you're better than me? In case you haven't realized, _my _speed is faster than _Hiruko's _speed."

Deidara scowled. "I'm not stupid un. I've seen you run outside of your hideous puppet. And trust me- there isn't much difference."

Sasori felt a vein pop. "Well I've seen you run too. And quite frankly- you can't."

"What!"

"Besides," Sasori smirked, taunting the blonde with a hand. "You weigh twice as much as me. You'll be dragging behind compared to my lightweight body."

Deidara's neck cricked to the side. "Want me to show you how far I can throw your lightweight body?"

"You're so weak you wouldn't be able to pick me up," Sasori laughed, turning to get into a running position. "But it's nice how you think so highly of yourself brat."

Deidara gave him a dirty look but lowered into the same position. His teammates were coming over the hill, and so were Sasori's. "It's close un…"

"A little too close…" Sasori muttered. He glanced at his partner briefly. "Well- not like it'll make any difference."

Deidara glared. "S-Shut up un!"

"_Loser_."

"You _whore!" _Deidara shrieked.

Sasori snickered.

~X~

Itachi grumbled a death threat at the Blue Team as he and Pein sprinted the last few yards up the hill. He may not be feeling the pain now- but he sure as hell would the next day.

Konan and Kisame zoomed by, the former punching Pein in the head as she passed. "Nyak, nyak, nyak!"

"Damn you woman!" Pein shouted after her.

"I've got this." Itachi brought them behind the Blue Team, kicking Kisame in the back of his leg.

"Waauughh!"

"Kisame look out!"

"Itachi you idiot!"

Unfortunately, Itachi's action backfired, causing all four to collide with one another right at the top of the hill. They barreled forward, Itachi smacking Deidara's palm with a sting and Konan's fingers barely brushing Sasori's as the two teams crashed to the ground. Deidara and Sasori met each other's gazes with a spark of rivalry before they shot off down the hill, side-by-side.

Pein looked over Kisame's leg to make sure his last teammate wasn't losing. "You're our last hope now Deidara. Don't lose-"

"Shut up and get your foot out my face!" Konan yelled, kicking him in the nose.

"Ow!"

* * *

><p>-Fifteen Minutes Later-<p>

* * *

><p>"They should be back by now," Konan said, crossing her arms impatiently.<p>

"I know," Pein said. "I only set up a few death traps."

"WHAT!"

Pein ignored the looks everyone was giving him. "Well I couldn't make it _too _easy."

Hidan smacked a palm to his head. "Dumbass."

Pein looked at him. "What was that Hidan?"

Hidan flinched. "Butt baths?"

"Disgusting." Pein turned his attention back to watching the top of the hill.

Hidan resisted the urge to punch his leader.

"Everyone quiet down," Kakuzu suddenly said. "I…hear voices."

Tobi sympathetically patted him on the back. "We know Kakuzu-san."

"Not like that!" Kakuzu socked the masked man in the face.

_Son of a bitch_. Tobi wailed, holding his hands over his bruising nose.

"Wait I hear voices too," Kisame said. "It's Sasori and Deidara!"

Everyone eagerly peered at the top of the hill.

Sure enough, coming up from the other side were the two artists, neck-in-neck with their heads butted together and veins throbbing.

"Fleeting!"

"Eternal!"

"Explosions!"

"Puppets!"

"You're wrong un!"

"No _you're _wrong!"

Both teams sweatdropped.

Deidara and Sasori sprinted to the hilltop, looking down at their last obstacle before the finish line. They paused, exchanged a glare, and then raced for the bottom.

Sasori furrowed his brows, feeling the bumpy earth beneath his shinobi sandals as he ran. He soon realized they were rocks- and a lot of them. If he wasn't careful, he would fall and give his partner the advantage. Sasori looked over his shoulder to the blonde a few feet behind him and smirked. "I hope you don't trip."

"I'm not going to trip," Deidara said with an annoyed expression.

If anything, Sasori's smirk widened. "Watch your step."

Deidara let out a sharp exhale of breath as his foot caught on the tip of a rock and he face-planted.

The Red Team gasped.

The Blue Team cheered.

Sasori looked over his shoulder, laughing. "Sucker!"

Deidara felt a vein pop, rolling to his feet and skidding down the hill to catch up with his partner. Sasori let out a startled cry, eyes bugging as the blonde kicked him in the back, sending them both tumbling down the hill.

"RRAAAARRGGHHH! I won't lose Sasori-no-danna!"

"YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Sasori screamed as he and his partner fell, hitting their heads on jagged rocks and protruding roots. He grabbed onto the blonde's leg so he couldn't get away before feeling Deidara do the same to his arm. They bit and clawed at one another until crashing in a tangled heap at the bottom of the massive hill. There was only two hundred yards left between them and the end.

Everyone deadpanned, watching the two crawl and wrestle towards the finish line.

But then Konan stepped forward, hands cupped over her mouth. "Let's go Sasori! You can't lose to a weakling like Deidara! Show who's more superior!"

Tobi glared at her, also stepping forward. "Come on sempai! You're more than a match for that old man Sasori! You can beat him!"

Konan shot him a vicious look. "The Blue Team's gonna win this!"

"No the Red Team is!" Tobi shouted.

"Oh yeah? Well redheads are better than blondes!" Konan yelled.

"Blondes rule! Redheads drool!" Tobi hollered. He was now dancing around with mini fans in a sudden otaku outfit. "Sempai! Sempai! Sempai!" he chanted.

Konan narrowed her eyes, not to be outdone as she produced her own otaku outfit. "Hit the drums Kisame!" she shouted at the shark nin who began pounding on a pair of bongos.

"Dance Leader-san, dance!" Tobi practically screamed at Pein.

Pein blinked, and then started to bounce up and down to the beat of Kisame's drums.

Konan stomped her foot, flames rising up behind her as she pointed at the masked nin who dared challenge her. "YOU SUCK!" she roared.

"NO _YOU _SUCK!" Tobi roared back with even bigger flames.

Hidan joined in the battle of roars, whipping a hand out in Kakuzu's direction. "I bet Sasori's going to win bitch! All the money in my piggy bank!"

Kakuzu's eyes suddenly lit up. "YOU'RE ON HOE!"

Itachi covered his ears with his hands. _Why…?_

"**ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" **Zetsu shouted. "They're coming!" He pointed at Sasori and Deidara who were ferociously battling for victory.

Everyone held their breaths.

_I have to have total domination in this event! _Pein inwardly shouted, fists pumped out in front of him.

_What's Leader-san getting so worked up about? _Itachi looked at him out the corner of his eye, a hand on his hip. _He's the one who wanted us to do this in the first place. _His eyes went back to the two artist partners.

The rest of the Akatsuki were back to hooting loudly, waving streamers and blowing air horns they most definitely didn't have before.

Who was going to win this?

Sasori had the upper hand. Literally. He had his knee shoved into his partner's back and a hand pressing his face into the dirt. "Sorry brat- but I don't plan on losing this match," he hissed, jumping off the blonde before racing the last hundred yards.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Is it really going to end like that? **

**I think not! v**

**Until next time!**


	6. Plotting

**A/N: I'm glad you guys are liking the story! ****You seem to have your own teams you're cheering for :P**

**Hmph. Seems like there's a certain _someone _who knows how my mind works :) You'll all see...**

**Warning: Language, OOC, violence, the usual...**

* * *

><p>Deidara forced his head up, face covered in dirt. Sasori was getting closer to the line and he was stuck on the ground. <em>Why aren't I moving? I need to move! <em>He started to get to his knees, blanching when he realized his left ankle had been sprained in his heroic tackling of his partner. _Well fuck my life. _His eyes roamed across the foaming and frothing faces of the Akatsuki, suddenly seeing everything in slow motion. Sasori was six feet away from the line.

Five feet.

Pein was shouting obnoxiously, but he couldn't hear any noise. It was as if he had gone deaf and the background noise was replaced by ridiculously cheesy music. Kakuzu was waving his middle finger around with a burning fire in his eyes, Tobi was shimmying with his mini fans, and Itachi-

The bastard wasn't even looking!

Four feet.

Deidara's eyes narrowed. He felt around the ground beside him, fumbling to a stand position with a medium-sized rock in his hands.

Three feet.

"Sasori-no-danna I won't let you win this!" He shouted, winding back his arm before pegging the rock at the back of his partner's body. "HERE!"

Sasori looked over his shoulder with wide eyes. "What the-!" He stumbled to the side as the rock made contact.

The Blue Team froze- The Red team grew psycho.

"GO DEIDARA GO!"

Itachi looked at him with a smirk.

Deidara grinned, running forward like a locomotive train. He went into a baseball dive, hooking his legs around Sasori's ankles before twisting to the side. The redhead let out a shout before toppling over. Deidara detangled himself quickly, rolling forward the last two feet.

Just as Sasori jumped on top of his back.

"WAAAUUUHGGHH!"

The two went crashing to the ground in a mighty plume of smoke.

Both the Blue and Red team circled around, trying to see the results.

The smoke slowly cleared, showing two palms fallen across the finish line at the exact same difference.

Everyone stared.

"It's…It's a tie!" Tobi cheered, breaking the silence and throwing his arms up into the air.

Deidara panted for air, sprawled on his back and looking up at the sky as both teams went ballistic with joy over the fact that they won. He turned his head, looking at Sasori with a rueful smirk. "T-That wasn't half bad danna un. Still as slow as a blimp though."

Sasori tried to regain his lost breath, casting a glance at his younger partner. "As if you're one to talk brat."

Deidara harrumphed, looking back at the sky. "…"

Sasori blinked. "What?"

"I…didn't win…" Deidara murmured, looking like a kicked puppy.

Sasori stared at him for a few moments and then smirked, sitting up. "Yeah- as if I'd let you."

Deidara cast him a sore look.

"But you didn't lose either. And you put up one hell of a fight," Sasori pushed to his feet, rubbing the back of his sore head with a somewhat gruff expression. "I'm going to be feeling this tomorrow…" he muttered, before offering a hand out.

Deidara broke out into a wide grin, taking the hand and being pulled to his feet. He kept his weight on his right leg. "I think I'm feeling it right now."

Sasori lifted a brow with an amused expression before being pulled off to the side by Hidan.

"You did it fucker!"

Konan threw her arms around the redhead. "Now I don't have to kill you for making us look bad!"

Sasori deadpanned. "Thanks."

Deidara smirked and then turned around to face his own team.

Pein grabbed him by the arms, looking him up and down. "We didn't lose and we're still ahead! Hooray!"

Kakuzu crossed his arms and leaned to the side. "No thanks to you Leader-san."

Pein released his blonde teammate, vein throbbing. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kakuzu snorted, waving a hand. "Well I thought it'd be obvious. You didn't do anything at all other than cheer and make us look like a bunch of idiots."

"Here here," Itachi agreed.

Pein lunged at the medic nin with flames of fury behind him. "KAKUZU!"

Deidara sighed in exasperation, only to shriek in horror when Tobi latched onto his neck.

"Good job sempai! Tobi was cheering for you one-hundred percent of the way!" Tobi loudly shouted.

Deidara tried in vain to push the masked nin off of him, face beginning to turn blue. "Can't...breathe...un..."

Itachi dragged Tobi off by the collar of his cloak. "You're going to kill him."

Tobi pouted, hanging his arms. "Aww…Tobi didn't mean to." _Damn you for ruining my plans Itachi! _

Deidara scrunched his nose up at both Uchihas, rubbing his throat. "Whatever." He glared at Itachi. "You know- you're a real bastard."

"For what?" Itachi looked smug.

Deidara scoffed, turning to stop Pein from mauling Kakuzu anymore than he already was. "Nothing. Just quit smirking at me all the damn time."

Tobi watched as the blonde drop-kicked their leader and hauled Kakuzu to his feet. "Well," he said in a deeper tone. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was thanking you."

Itachi smirked. "I know."

~X~

"They're so energetic," Kisame said, referring to the Red Team.

Sasori looked over his team. They seemed tired, plastered in dried mud, burning under the hot sun, and sweating profusely. But they looked happy at their victory. One that he helped bring around. Sasori couldn't help but smile. He was even more dirty and cut of than them thanks to his partner throwing them both down the hill. "Okay you guys," he said, gaining their attention. "We tied in this round, but at the rate the Red Team's going, it looks like their going to win."

"Ha? Why would you even say that?" Konan disapprovingly asked.

"They're desperate to win," Sasori shrugged. "And with Pein leading them- useless as he is- they look as if they're going to win this entire thing."

It was quiet for a while. Pein's angry voice could be heard shouting Kakuzu's ear off behind them.

"…Hmph." Konan averted her gaze.

"Killjoy," Kisame muttered.

"Lighten the fuck up guys!" Hidan loudly said, a large grin on his face. He smacked Sasori on the back in a 'friendly' gesture. "Just because they won once doesn't mean they can do it again. I mean, come on. We just _tied _with them. They're going to be just as fucking tired as us- lose their edge- become easy to pick off one-by-one. We can win this next test! And the next one after it! So look alive bitches! We're gonna kill those fuckers!" he excitedly shouted, throwing his arms out.

Zetsu blinked. "Wow Hidan." **"You're kind of inspirational for a dumbass."**

Hidan felt a vein pop. "What was that?"

Konan grabbed him by the elbow before he could attack, smiling at her team. "The Red Team is cocky. They can throw and shout stuff our way, but I bet they can't keep their spirits up."

"Yeah- we can handle anything that comes our way," Hidan cheerfully said.

Kakuzu flew into him headfirst.

"Dammit Kakuzu!" Hidan raged.

The Blue Team sweatdropped.

"As much as I hate to admit it," Sasori said, turning his attention away from the bickering pair on the ground. "Hidan's right. We still have a chance at winning."

"So long as we win the next two tests," Zetsu spoke up, "We can earn victory here today." **And even if we lose one, we'll still tie overall. No one will win."**

"And no one will have to suffer Pein's punishment," Kisame added.

Konan nodded, clapping her hands together. "Yosha! Then we know what needs to be done." She and her teammates turned around, facing the Red Team who seemed to be bickering amongst themselves. Konan gave a cruel smirk. "We will tear them down- from the inside out."

Sasori and the others grinned.

Well…except for Hidan. He had Kakuzu's fist stuffed inside his mouth.

~X~

The Red Team got cold chills ups their back, looking over the shoulder to see the Blue Team with the biggest-ass smiles on their faces.

Tobi crouched with his hands over his ears. "Tobi's scared sempai!"

Deidara gave him an annoyed look from where he sat on the ground, using his headband to wrap his ankle momentarily. "Shut up un."

_Okay- that's it! _Tobi started to stalk towards the blonde, only to be pulled back by Itachi once again.

Deidara, oblivious to the death warrant above his head, worriedly looked at his leader. "But I suppose Tobi has a point. I don't like the look they have Leader-san un."

Pein narrowed his eyes. "It's nothing. Come- we have to move on to the third test."

Kakuzu absently picked at his nails. "Hopefully this time you'll be of some use."

Pein whirled around, vein bulging. "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Everyone's so mean to Leader-san :D **

**And just what is the Blue Team planning? Is the Red Team gonna win again?**

**Find out soon!**

**^v^**


	7. Third Task!

Exercise 3:

* * *

><p>"And the third test is…" Pein held up a finger, smiling broadly. "Piggyback races."<p>

Everyone stared at him.

And then began to laugh.

"Woo," Kisame wiped a tear from his eye. "That's a good one Leader-san."

"Nice, real nice," Deidara snickered.

"Full-grown men giving each other piggyback rides?" Konan snickered. "The things you come up with..."

Pein gave them all a dark look. "Shut up! I'm not joking about this one so pay attention to the rules."

Within fifteen minutes they had managed to calm themselves down, straightening up from where they had fallen to the ground laughing to look back at their leader.

Pein felt an eye twitch. "As I was saying _before _you immature idiots interrupted…" he cleared his throat. "We will be doing the next test piggyback style."

Hidan couldn't help it. He guffawed. "Never heard of doing it that fucking way before."

And with that- everyone who had been trying to keep it in- burst out laughing.

Again.

* * *

><p>-Ten minutes later-<p>

* * *

><p>"I WILL RINNEGAN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IF YOU IDIOTS DON'T SHUT THOSE HOLES IN YOUR FACES NOW!" Pein roared.<p>

They all kindly shut up.

"Now!" Pein blew out an aggravated puff of air, hands on his hips. "Here are the rules. One person from each team will have to sit out and act as referees. The other four must pair up with another person they harbor great hatred for. Then they will team up to go against their opponents. The race is from here," he indicated to the finish line from the previous test, "to the top of the base."

All eyes went to the base. Their giant rock base.

"How the heck do you expect us to get up there?" Konan inquired, looking at her partner.

Pein smirked. "Use your brain for once Konan. You'll be allowed to use chakra for this test."

Konan drop-kicked him. "I dare you to say that again asshole!"

"Okay, okay!" Pein cried. "I'm sorry!"

"Hmph!" Konan turned, stalking over to her team.

Pein got up from the ground, dignity shattered along with three of his ribs. "Okay," he wheezed. "Split up and decide your pairs." He face-planted a moment later.

Itachi sighed, picking his leader up by the leg and dragging him off to a different part of their base's backyard where they could discuss things.

~X~

Kisame placed his hands on his hips, looking at his team. "Alright- so who's going to sit out?"

"Hmm…" Konan thoughtfully placed a hand to her chin in thought. "None of us here really hate one another, do we?"

"I could live without Hidan," Sasori said.

"Fuck you!" Hidan pointed at him.

Konan snorted. "Okay. Hidan, Sasori- you two are one of our pairs."

"And we're screwed," Sasori muttered.

Hidan felt an eye twitch. "You…"

Konan turned to Kisame and Zetsu. "Do either of you boys want to carry each other?"

"No!"

"**No way in hell!"**

"Alright then," Konan smiled. "Kisame you have plenty of chakra to spare so we can afford to use it all up."

"Is that a wise idea?" Kisame sweatdropped.

"Silence!"

"So I guess I should sit this one out like a good boy then," Zetsu sarcastically said.

Konan smirked. "That's not all we're going to do. Our mission while we're out there in this test is to make our opponents fight amongst themselves. It shouldn't be hard, seeing as most of them dislike one another anyway."

"Yeah!" Hidan pumped out a fist. "Team cooperation for the fucking win!"

Sasori sighed. "Let's do this," he monotoned.

~X~

"So Tobi, be a good boy and sit out on this one un," Deidara instructed the masked nin.

Tobi waved his arms around. "Oki-doki sempai! But doesn't that mean you're stuck with Itachi-san?"

"What?" Deidara blanched, whipping his head around to look at the impassive raven. "No way!"

"Yeah," Pein said. "Deidara will be with me."

"But you don't hate Deidara-sempai," Tobi innocently said. "So you have to go with Kakuzu."

Pein turned to Deidara, slapping him across the face. "I hate you."

Deidara deadpanned. "I hate you too Leader-san."

They turned towards Tobi.

"See? We hate each other very much," Pein assured Tobi.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "No you don't. You made up the rules Pein, you can't back out of them."

"I'm the leader!" Pein snapped. "I do what I want!"

Kakuzu snorted. "Yeah…_sure_."

Pein glared. "Shut up!"

"And this is why you need to team up," Itachi said with a raised brow. "Leader-san, you have an unexplainable hatred towards Kakuzu and Deidara isn't particularly fond of me for some reason."

"What? My hatred for Kakuzu isn't unexplainable," Pein argued. "I just don't like him!"

Itachi stared. "Unexplainable."

Pein glowered to himself for not thinking things through before making up rules. He growled, shuffling over to where Kakuzu was. "I refuse to carry you."

Kakuzu snorted. "I wouldn't trust you to carry me anyway."

Pein felt a vein pop. "I HATE YOU!" he roared.

The other three watching them sweatdropped.

Itachi was the first to look away as Pein proceeded to stomp all over Kakuzu. "Shall we go over and meet the other team to let them know of our decision?"

"We didn't finish making a decision un!" Deidara stomped his foot. "I'm not teaming up with you- I'll just sit this one out!"

"Are you chickening out?" Itachi asked.

"What? You can't _chicken _out of a piggyback race!"

"Yes you can."

"No you can't! And shut up!" Deidara crossed his arms.

Tobi latched onto the blonde's arm. "Sempai~ do it for me!"

"Hell no!" Deidara kicked him in the face.

Tobi backed away, silently promising horrible things upon the younger bomber.

Itachi rubbed his brow with a sigh. "Don't be impossible."

Deidara glared.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Fine hmm. I'll join with you, but _only _to win."

Itachi nodded. "Okay."

They both turned around at the same time. "Get on my back," they chimed.

"…"

A gust of wind blew overhead.

They faced one another somewhat awkwardly.

"What did you say?" Deidara asked with a brow twitching.

"Deidara, you can't carry me," Itachi said as if he were speaking to a child.

"Why? You calling me weak?" Deidara sneered. "Or maybe you're just calling yourself fat hmm."

"Yes. Because I'm a giant, water-inflated, cow," Itachi dryly said, "No." He pointed at the blonde's foot. "You can't carry me because you're injured. And you won't be fast enough to run us up the side of the base."

Deidara gaped for several seconds before huffing and turning away. "Whatever."

Tobi grinned beneath his mask. It was going to be fun watching his team who hated each other compete against the Blue Team who didn't really mind each other all that much. _Let the killing begin…mwuhahahahaha! Well…not really. I do need them after all._

* * *

><p>Konan smirked from on Kisame's back, looking at Tobi and Zetsu who were standing at the top of the base with red and blue flags in their hands. "When they wave the flag, we go."<p>

"As if we didn't fuckin' know that," Hidan muttered, shifting his grip on a bored-looking Sasori.

Konan kicked him in the side. "Shut up!" As Hidan bitched about the bruise in his ribcage she cleared her throat and continued on. "Kisame and I will go over and start something with Pein. After all, I do know that idiot best. He gets angry over everything," she laughed.

Sasori nodded. "So I guess that leaves me with Deidara. I doubt Itachi's going to get riled up over something stupid."

"Hey!" Hidan looked at Konan. "What about me?"

Konan blinked. "What about you?"

"Never-fucking-mind."

The group of four wandered over to stand beside the Red Team, giving them haughty looks before looking towards Zetsu and Tobi for the signal to start.

Pein had his hands placed around Kakuzu's neck in the oddest way. As if he was going to strangle him. But that was ridiculous, because the point of the exercise was to fill each member with a feeling of fuzzy happiness. Nevermind the dark aura rising off the orange-haired man and the infinite amount of tick marks plastered to the back of his head.

"Good thing you're not running," Kakuzu breezily said. "Just watching you do anything other than sitting and walking is an abomination to my eyes."

"Kakuzu," Pein started to say. "Unless you want to die with your throat ripped out, I suggest you shut up."

"Whatever."

"I JUST SAID TO SHUT UP!"

Itachi sighed at his teammates' bickering. Sometimes his leader could be such a child…

"I don't believe this un," Deidara grouched from his position on top Itachi, loosely hanging his arms around his neck. The bastard was gripping his legs tight enough to pop them off.

Itachi turned his head slightly. "If I were you- I'd hold on."

Deidara scowled, grumpily crossing his arms and falling right off Itachi's back.

Itachi gave him a bored look. "I told you to hold on."

"Shut up you!" Deidara yelled, reluctantly hopping back onto Itachi who immediately latched on to his legs to keep him from falling.

"If your foot falls off, it won't be my fault," Itachi muttered.

"Just pay attention to Tobi," the blonde muttered back.

The masked man did a small jig around Zetsu before waving his flags down.

And the race for victory was on!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bets, bets, place your bets for the satisfaction of knowing you were right~**

**Until next time :D**


	8. Fight to Win

**A/N: Your continual support encourages me to continue on! That- and it's really fun to write :P**

**Things get heated between our members. So here's an extra long chapter!**

**Warning: Language, violence, OOC, and...drama! **

* * *

><p>The Blue and Red Team sent chakra to their feet in one motion, eyes alight with the fire to win before taking off towards the bottom of their base where they'd scale the six hundred foot boulder to the top.<p>

Deidara subconsciously held tighter to Itachi, if only because he didn't feel like falling off and breaking his neck. "Don't make us lose bastard."

"Just keep quiet baka," Itachi huffed.

"Hmph."

Pein worriedly looked at the two from where he and Kakuzu were several feet away. "Can they really do this without starting something?"

"I wouldn't fret about them," Kakuzu said, eyeing the way Konan and Kisame moved practically thirty feet away from Hidan and Sasori.

"What are you talking about?" Pein asked.

"Look at the Blue Team," Kakuzu said. "They're planning something."

"Well let's go find out then," Pein muttered. "Head for Konan."

"I was going to anyway."

Pein felt a vein pop. "Don't get attitude with me!"

"Whatever."

"ARE YOU ACTUALLY LISTENING TO WHAT'S COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?"

Kakuzu made a bored expression. "What?"

Pein felt fire burst out of his mouth. "Nevermind!"

Konan smiled, watching as Pein and Kakuzu approached them. "They're coming to us? This makes our job so much easier!" She glanced to the figures that were Hidan and Sasori, saluting to them with two fingers. She saw them nod before slowing down their pace to sidle up near Itachi and Deidara.

"What are you planning!" Pein accusingly shouted as he neared his partner and Kisame.

Kisame laughed. "Who said we're planning anything?"

"You guys wouldn't separate for no reason," Kakuzu suspiciously said.

Konan waved one hand, laughing again. "We just moved apart to give you guys a chance at winning."

Pein's brow quirked. "What's this?"

Konan looked 'genuinely' surprised. "Oh Pein? I'm shocked you aren't the one carrying Kakuzu. Then again…I shouldn't have expected anything different."

Pein's brow was definitely twitching now. "Just what are you getting at!"

"Oh nothing…" Konan looked forward. "Weakling."

"HOW DARE YOU!" Pein roared with a throbbing vein.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Could you not shout in my ear? Thanks."

"Shut up Kakuzu! I'm the leader here!"

"Then act like it!"

"I'll show _you _how to act like it!" Pein whacked him in the head. "With my fist!"

"Watch who you're hitting _Leader-san_!"

Kisame triumphantly harrumphed as they sprinted on ahead. "Too easy."

"Told you all they needed was a little egging on," Konan pleasantly said.

~X~

Hidan and Sasori listened to Pein shouting and then took it as their cue to distract their own competition.

"Oi- brat!" Sasori called.

Itachi felt a feeling of foreboding was over him.

Deidara glanced sideways as the redhead and Jashinist came up next to them. "What do you want Sasori-no-danna? Shouldn't you be trying to, I don't know, _win_?"

"I don't need to try to do something I'm naturally good at," Sasori smugly said.

"You mean something you wish you were good at," Deidara muttered.

Sasori restrained himself from saying something smart back, knowing he had a job to do. "Well you can talk all you want. No matter the results of this test, you're still going to walk away an unappreciated wanna-be-artist."

"That's not true," Deidara mumbled, looking offended.

"Oh really now?" Sasori smirked, leaning over to poke the blonde in the forehead. "You and I both know that I'm the only one who respects your art."

Deidara blinked, jerking his head back. "You do?"

"No, not really. But the point is-" Sasori casually leaned on Hidan's head. "I just can't believe you're allowing yourself to be carried by someone who obviously thinks nothing of you and your 'art'."

"The air quotes were unnecessary danna un," Deidara growled.

Hidan and Sasori didn't miss the way his arms tightened around Itachi's neck. They inwardly shared a smirk.

_Alright. Time to finish him off, _Sasori cheerfully thought. He smugly smirked. "Besides, don't tell me you forgot about your embarrassing defeat?"

"What?" Deidara glared.

"One look from Itachi and you lost," Sasori snickered. "Your art can't stand up to a pair of eyes? Pathetic. I can't believe you're allowing a mockery like that to pass."

"Ooh…low blow," Hidan muttered.

Deidara's face grew furious before going oddly blank.

Itachi sharply glanced at Sasori. "Would you mind running a bit _behind _us instead of running your mouth?"

Sasori raised his hands as if surrendering. "Just making conversation," he smirked. "And I think we'll run _ahead _and leave the back space to you."

Hidan stuck his tongue out before dashing forward.

Itachi sighed as they pulled ahead. "Those two are such troublemakers I swear-"

"Itachi…stop."

"What?" The Uchiha looked over his shoulder, slightly startled.

"I said to stop," Deidara snarled, digging his nails into the raven's shoulders.

Itachi frowned. "You can't seriously be thinking about what Sasori-"

"Just stop already dammit!" Deidara yelled.

Itachi skidded to a halt, mostly out of surprise. "What the hell is _wrong _with you? Are you trying to make us lose just because you can't handle a few words from something that happened over five years ago?" he angrily asked.

"That's not it! Sasori's right- you've always looked down on me!" Deidara pushed off his back, landing somewhat unsteadily on his good foot.

"Of all the things…" Itachi turned around to face him, eyes narrowed. "I thought you were stupid before, but this just brings a whole new meaning to the word."

"Shut up!" Deidara shouted, pushing him roughly in the chest.

Itachi shoved him away. "Cut it out!"

"Why don't you make me?" Deidara scoffed, punching him in the face.

Itachi brought a hand to the bruised cheek before losing control of his emotions and punching the blonde back. They crashed to the ground, sending chakra all throughout their body so they wouldn't fall off the base's side as they tussled.

Sasori and Hidan looked behind them with victorious grins.

"Damn! Way to go Sasori!" Hidan congratulated the redhead.

Sasori let out a small laugh. "They would have fought it out eventually. And with Pein and Kakuzu behind them and Konan and Kisame up ahead, we have the perfect chance to win this."

"No one's gonna fuckin' stop us," Hidan laughed, continuing to run.

Pein narrowed his eyes, looking across the expanse of the boulder to where his two youngest members were actually fighting it out. His gaze then went to the sniggering Hidan and Sasori leaving them in the dust. _I should have known this would happen. Damn. _He tugged on Kakuzu's hair. "Get over to Itachi and Deidara now," he ordered.

Kakuzu thought about protesting, but the unusually serious tone of voice his leader was using made him choose otherwise. He changed direction immediately.

~X~

Itachi growled under his breath, pinning the blonde underneath him and shoving his foot on top of Deidara's bad ankle. "Stop fighting already. You're just making things worse."

"That's what I hate about you!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You've always looked down on me and I'm sick of it!" Deidara shouted, trying to get Itachi off of his foot before it fell off. _Kami un- the bone is separating! Separating! _

Itachi pressed down on his forehead to keep him from lifting his head, staring into the wild blue eyes beneath him. "Is that what you think? Deidara, I have never looked down on you."

"Y-You're lying un!"

"I'M NOT LYING!" Itachi yelled.

Deidara blinked, taken aback. "I…"

Just then Pein and Kakuzu ran up, the former jumping off of Kakuzu and moving to throw the two young men off of each other. "Enough of your bickering!"

Deidara scowled, crashing onto his back and landing on his sprained ankle. Itachi stood back up, evening out his chakra flow to his feet once more.

Pein glared at the both of them. "Are you trying to make us lose? The point of this is to let you guys get to know each other better. Now we're not going anywhere until you talk it out."

Deidara felt a vein pop. "That's what we were doing before you interrupted Leader-no-BAKA!"

Pein felt an eye twitch. "Come again?"

Deidara blew a raspberry and probably would have been blasted into pieces on the spot had it not been for Itachi intervening.

He walked over to the pair, looking at Deidara. "You lost back then because you were overly arrogant and underestimated our abilities. You didn't know about my Sharingan either."

Deidara frowned. "Are you going somewhere with this un?"

"You've grown though Deidara." Itachi hesitated a bit before smiling. "And even though you still piss me off in the mornings and get on my nerves, I would trust you just like I trust any other member in this organization." He paused. "Except for Leader-san."

Pein turned away with fake tears pouring down his cheeks. "You all hate me…"

"Pretty much," Kakuzu said from behind his leader.

Pein popped several veins, drop-kicking him. "You shut the hell up!"

Deidara slowly blinked before looking past his teammates to where he could see the Blue Team nearing the top and cheering amongst themselves as if they had already won the race. Then he looked back to the raven in front of him who was now sporting a nice bruise along his cheek. "You trust me," he stated.

"I trust you." Itachi helped Deidara to his feet. "We can win this race."

"…You're right un." Deidara pulled his hand back and then looked at the older man. "So get on my back."

Itachi blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I'm going to carry you," the blonde determinedly said.

"But your foot-"

"It's nothing I can't handle." Deidara stared at him. "If you trust me to do this then get on."

Itachi stared back. And then sighed, dipping his head in resignation. "Very well. Just don't lose."

Deidara smirked, turning around. "Wasn't planning on it Itachi yeah." He sent chakra down to his sprained ankle to give it more support before grabbing Itachi around the thighs and hoisting him up. "Oki-doki. And we're off hmm!"

Pein stopped beating up Kakuzu long enough to see his teammates back up and running. He smiled and then pulled Kakuzu up. "Okay Kakuzu! Since I broke your leg with my amazing strength- you're going to have to get on my back!"

Kakuzu managed a dark glower. "You're going to lose. Horribly."

"Shut up!" Pein dragged Kakuzu onto him before forcibly hooking his arms around his neck and racing after Deidara and Itachi. His knees almost buckled. "Holy crap Kakuzu! I knew you should have laid off the goddamn snowballs!"

"That's not it," Kakuzu said in a bored tone as he leader struggled to walk let alone run. "You're just weak."

Pein's head snapped up, fires burning in his eyes. "I'll show you!" he cried, racing up towards the rest of the Red Team.

Kakuzu smirked. _And there we go. _

~X~

Sasori looked over his shoulder with a slight frown. "They're catching up."

"I'll handle this," Hidan said, also looking around. The ones closest were Itachi and Deidara- almost up on his heels… _Only one thing for it! _Hidan cackled, taking one hand off of Sasori's leg to push Deidara backwards with his palm.

"Itai!" Deidara staggered back.

"Foul play!" Pein's voice shouted from behind them.

Hidan boisterously chuckled. "All fair in this fucking game bitch!"

Deidara ground his teeth as his ankle rolled, letting out a loud crack.

Itachi snapped his head down. "Was that your foot?"

"Mmm…" Deidara cringed with half a smile. "Well it's definitely broken now un."

Itachi felt the corners of his lips tilt down. "Deidara switch back with me."

"No way!" Deidara pumped more chakra to his injured ankle, careful so that it didn't all channel onto the boulder's surface.

Itachi worriedly peered at him. "You can stop you know."

"I don't need to," his teammate insisted. He looked ahead with furrowed brows. "Why the hell would Leader-san make us run all the way up this base…" he muttered to himself. "Doesn't he realize how tall it is?"

Pein suddenly ran up alongside Deidara, looking at him with a vein throbbing. "Are you complaining? Maybe you should work on your endurance a little bit more."

"Is this really the time to be discussing this?" Kakuzu questioned.

"It was just a friendly reminder," Pein gruffly responded.

"Well aren't you two chummy?" Deidara mumbled, chakra flow flickering momentarily. It was enough of a moment to send him toppling forward.

Itachi's eyes widened.

Pein's arm whipped out.

And missed.

Kakuzu reached over and yanked the back of Itachi's shirt, straightening both of his teammates up. "Take it easy!"

Pein grabbed the blonde by the elbow, pulling him over to his side. "Don't you _dare _give up on all of us here."

Deidara glared. "Who said I was?" He locked his arm with his leader's forcing them to stay together. "The four of us are gonna win un, just like this!"

Pein smirked. "We'll show the Blue Team just how well we work as a team."

"Hell yeah!"

"Then let's go!"

Kakuzu and Itachi sweatdropped lightly. _They're way too worked up. _

Pein and Deidara let out a war cry before beginning to run in unison, their feet matching for every step. "HERE WE COME!" they shouted.

Sasori looked over his shoulder, eyes bugging when he saw the Red Team running at them at an extremely fast pace. "What the hell is wrong with those guys?" he exclaimed, alerting Hidan and the others to the oncoming danger.

"Tch. They just don't fuckin' give up," Hidan muttered, now booking it up the mountain at full speed.

Konan tapped Kisame on the head. "We don't have time to mess around anymore," she said. "Let your chakra loose!"

"Aye-aye captain!"

Pein watched as a burst of chakra exploded out of Kisame's feet, only to die down just as quickly. He was confused for only a second before realization hit him and he started to chuckle.

Kakuzu looked at him. "What's got you so happy Leader-san?"

"Look up ahead Kakuzu," Pein said.

"They're slowing down," Kakuzu grumbled. "And we're catching up."

"And I know exactly why." Pein couldn't help but grin, detangling his arm from Deidara's.

"What's up un?" Deidara asked.

Pein nodded his head towards the Blue Team they were gaining on. "Let's get a little payback shall we? We're gonna go mess with Kisame a bit. Have fun with Sasori and Hidan."

Itachi hummed. "Alright."

Pein dashed forward lightly, Kakuzu leaning more comfortably on his back.

~X~

Zetsu and Tobi watched their fellow Akatsuki members from their perch on the very top of the boulder, flags in their hands.

"This is interesting…" Zetsu mumbled. **"Hardly. I don't get why Pein would even suggest these tests. They're not that important."**

Tobi crossed his arms, looking at Zetsu. "It's necessary. If our members do not get along or cooperate, this organization could fall apart. You know I can't have that for my plans to be put in effect."

Zetsu snorted softly. "Of course- your plans." **"Don't lie Madara. I **_**know **_**you've grown fond of these idiots."**

"I've done no such thing," Tobi said with a scowl in his voice, turning his attention back to the members racing up towards them. "I am merely using them for my own purposes."

Zetsu smiled, unseen by the other man. "Of course you are."

Tobi resisted the urge to throw a flag at his head. "Shut up!"

~X~

Pein ran next to Kisame, looking up at Konan with a large smirk. "Surprised to see us? You guys are way to slow to win! Too much chakra will break the surface of the boulder."

Konan narrowed her eyes in annoyance as Kisame ground his teeth.

Kakuzu grinned. "You guys didn't think about that, did you?"

Kisame harrumphed. "Put a sock in it Kakuzu. You're the one being carried."

Kakuzu's brow quirked. "At least I can be carried."

Kisame felt a vein pop. "What was that?"

~X~

Itachi looked over at the arguing group and gave Deidara's ponytail a little tug. "They've gained Kisame and Konan's attention."

"Our turn then hmm?" Deidara mused. "Alright." He purposefully ran diagonal, moving beside Hidan and Sasori.

Hidan blanched. "The fuck?" _So fast! _

"Thought you'd win by cheating un?" Deidara snidely asked, looking at his partner. "You guys are _such _sore losers."

Sasori lifted both brows. "I'm impressed brat. Trying so hard even though you're going to lose."

A vein popped. "Shut up danna!"

Itachi sweatdropped. _Deidara, you're supposed to be riling _them _up. _

"Once a loser, always a loser," Sasori snickered.

Deidara's face turned red. "I'm gonna kill you un!"

Itachi rolled his eyes at the argument before an idea hit him. He slyly smiled, draping an arm in front his blonde teammate's shoulder. "Calm down Deidara. He's just scared he's going to lose."

Deidara was startled at the sudden contact but quickly understood what his friend was doing. He smirked, tilting his head back. "You're right Itachi un. Our partnership is _way _better than Sasori's and Hidan's."

Hidan mentally slapped a palm to his face. _Aw shit. Pulling _that _card_.

Sasori seemed surprised at the lack of honorific, eyes abruptly changing from playful to annoyed. "Don't forget your place brat."

"What place?" Deidara coyly asked.

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "Hands off of him Itachi."

Hidan looked up at his teammate. "Ha? Sasori don't lose fuckin' focus!"

Itachi merely smirked, resting casually on top of Deidara's head. "Or what?"

Sasori growled. "That's _my _partner."

"Well he's _mine _now," Itachi laughed. _Easiest way to annoy Sasori. Possessive baka. _

Sasori pulled on Hidan's hair, causing him to sharply swerve towards Itachi and Deidara.

"Holy shit motherfucker-!" Hidan started to curse.

Deidara let out a laugh before moving out of the way. "Looks like I found a new best friend Sasori!" he taunted.

The redhead released a feral-sounding snarl.

~X~

Konan looked over to see what the commotion with her other teammates was, eyes growing large. "Deidara and Itachi?"

Kisame also spared a glance. "Weren't they beating each other up?"

"I think the question is how did they catch up!" Konan exclaimed.

Pein laughed. "You obviously underestimates us and the powers of friendship!"

Konan deadpanned. "You disgust me sometimes. Do you honestly think we'd lose to you?"

"We can't think about that!" Kisame told her. "We won't lose!"

"We're almost there," Itachi encouragingly muttered to his blonde teammate.

"I don't need you to tell me that hmm!"

All of a sudden, both pairs of the Red and Blue Team switched their positions- Kisame, Konan, Sasori, and Hidan all heading for Zetsu on the right side, and Deidara, Kakuzu, Pein, and Itachi heading for Tobi on the right. Deidara and Pein linked arms again, mirthful over their victory in screwing with the other team's minds.

"Here comes the last push!" Konan yelled.

Hidan grunted. "We're not giving fuckin' birth woman!"

"Shut up!"

"We're right in line with their heels!" Kakuzu shouted, getting a _tad _bit excited.

Pein, caught up in the exhilaration, accidentally skipped a step and picked up his pace even more.

Deidara, caught off guard by the change, pitched forward, barreling headfirst into Tobi. Still linked with Pein, he caused both his leader and Kakuzu to fall as well, Itachi flipping off of his back on top of them. They let out a collective groan as Kisame and Hidan dashed past Zetsu, slapping his outstretched hands.

Zetsu raised his flags. "Blue Team wins for staying on their feet and tagging my hand first." **"Owned bitches!" **Black Zetsu laughed at the Red Team.

Tobi wailed as the group of four collapsed on top of him. "Owie! Tobi's sorry you lost so please get off! _You're crushing my spine motherfuckers!_

~X~

The Blue Team jumped off of each other's backs , Hidan and Kisame exchanging high-fives before being tackled by Konan in a huge hug.

Pein watched the Blue Team with a raised brow and then stood, walking some ways away from his team where he could survey all of his members.

"We did it!" Konan joyfully cried.

"Through use of slight manipulation," Sasori reminded her.

"Aw who cares," Hidan laughed. "It was still a helluva lotta fun!"

Sasori smirked. "True." His gaze traveled over to where the Red Team was, watching his partner try and push Itachi and Kakuzu off of him. His smirk fell. _Stupid Itachi. Stealing my best friend… Just what is he thinking? _

Just then, Deidara caught his gaze, smirking and pulling an eyelid down. _Danna- you got owned. _

Sasori's eye twitched as he raised a fist. "So that's how it is…?" he muttered with an aggravated smile and popped vein.

Konan apologetically looked at Zetsu. "Sorry you didn't really get a chance to partake."

"**It was even better watching you guys," **Black Zetsu commented. "Trust me, it was great." **"Especially watching the Red Team fight."**

~X~

Kakuzu irritably tried to move his limbs from where he was being crushed under his teammates. "I can't believe…you tripped Deidara…"

Deidara exhaled heavily, brushing his hair out of his face. "Well at least we didn't lose _horribly_ hmm…"

"Tell that to Leader-san," Itachi snorted, finally getting off of the top of the dog pile they landed in. He pulled Tobi up as well as Deidara rolled to the side.

"Well if it's any consolation," Tobi started to say, "Tobi's thinks you guys did great!"

Deidara looked at the masked man with a surprised expression. "Tobi…"

Tobi looked at him, grinning beneath his mask. _Finally looking up to me huh-_

"You know big words un?"

Tobi felt a vein pop on the back of his head, jumping towards the blonde. "SEMPAAIIIIIII!"

Deidara glanced over at Kakuzu, missing the way Itachi grabbed Tobi before he could maim him. "Hey, could you heal my ankle please hmm?"

Kakuzu looked at him from where he was already resetting the bone in his leg. "Sure Deidara, just give me a second."

Deidara nodded. "Okay."

Itachi wandered over to where the two sat, Tobi still in his grasp. "Any other injuries should be tended to as well."

"I don't have any others," Kakuzu grouched.

"Same here un," Deidara smiled.

Tobi broke out of Itachi's hold, crouching down in front of his sempai and poking him in the cheek. "Deidara-sempai can _smile_?"

Deidara's face immediately went into a nasty scowl. "Shut up hmm!"

Kakuzu finished mending his leg, moving to study the blonde's ankle. "The day Deidara keeps a smile on for more than two seconds is the day I become poor."

"That won't be long," Tobi muttered.

Kakuzu's eyes popped. "What?"

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Don't provoke people Tobi."

Deidara harrumphed, looking away with his hands out. "When does he not?" He smirked at the masked man. "You might as well create a jutsu and call it Provoke no Jutsu hmm. _No one _would get near you."

Tobi loudly laughed. "Oh sempai, you're so funny! The only one who would get so easily worked up is _you_." _You little tyke. _

Deidara felt an eye twitch. "Nani?"

"What are you guys doing?" Their leader's cold voice interrupted. "Acting as if you didn't just lose…"

The members of the Red Team stared at Pein with some apprehension, Kakuzu's hands still glowing green from his healing jutsu.

Pein's eyes were narrowed as he walked towards them.

Tobi, unseen behind his mask, raised his brows. _Oho? He looks angry. _

Deidara flinched, knowing it was partly his fault as Itachi and Kakuzu tensed beside him.

"I do not like to lose," Pein slowly said. "I'm okay with ties. Lack of teamwork disgusts me…"

_Here comes the yelling, _The Red Team thought in unison.

Pein hummed. "But you guys did well." He smiled. "Even though we lost, we still worked together well enough to give the other team a scare. And that's what's most important to me. We'll win next time."

Deidara blinked. "You're not mad…?"

"I really have nothing to be mad about," Pein lifted his shoulders. "It's not as if you and Itachi killed each other or anything."

Itachi smirked, glancing at Deidara who scrunched his nose up in reply.

Pein grinned. "So anyway, now that we've all made up and become buddies-"

"Okay Deidara." Kakuzu moved away from the bomber, hands going back to his sides. "Finished. It's not healed completely because the bone will have to reset itself on its own."

Pein held out a fist. "Don't interrupt me!"

Deidara experimentally moved his ankle around. "Wow! Thanks Kakuzu un. It hardly hurts at all."

Pein hung his arms. "They're both ignoring me…"

Kakuzu grunted, poking the blonde on the forehead. "It won't hurt anymore so long as you don't run around carelessly like you just did."

Deidara sheepishly laughed. "Right."

"Well Leader-san," Kakuzu brushed some dirt off his pants as he stood. "Looks like you're not that useless after all."

Pein harrumphed importantly. "Why thank you Kaku- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN NOT _THAT _USELESS?"

Kakuzu snorted, turning away. "You were heroic for, like, three minutes."

"Die you!" Pein roared, tackling the medic nin to the ground.

~X~

The Blue Team exhaustedly watched the two bicker.

"H-How did they come so close to beating us?" Konan asked with a twitching brow.

Kisame sighed, hanging his arms. "I really thought we'd lose for a second…"

"Don't get too upset," Sasori patted him on the back. "We won and have another test left to prove ourselves."

"But it's the last round," Zetsu commented. **"We have to win no matter what. To show them our strength."**

"Of fuckin' course!" Hidan exclaimed. "The only reason why they came close to winning was because the four of them pulled some weird-ass bonding jutsu!"

Sasori deadpanned. "That's called teamwork you idiot."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Pein, having finished his daily ritual of trying to kill Kakuzu, walked over to the group of five, motioning with his hand. "Time for you losers to attempt a win at the final round. I hope you'll give full effort," he said with a smirk.

Konan felt a vein pop, drop-kicking the man to the ground. "Speak for yourself!"

"My unbroken ribs!"

"Not anymore," The Red Team sweatdropped in unison. Then they exchanged a glance, looking away and laughing a bit at themselves.

Nothing would stop them from winning this last test.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The score is even. Red Team: 1. Blue Team: 1. Tied: 1. **

**What'll happen now?**

**Coming soon~**


	9. Fourth Task Dangerous?

**A/N: Last Test! But the story's not over yet~**

**Who's gonna win O.o?**

**Warning: Language, OOC, violence, anything else you think needs one...**

* * *

><p>Exercise 4:<p>

* * *

><p>"!"<p>

"What is that awful smell?" Konan exclaimed, holding her nose much like everyone else who had mixed expressions of disgust and horror.

"Hidan un!" Deidara complained, moving away from the Jashinist.

Everyone else soon followed.

"Aw come on!" Hidan threw his arms out. "It's not me this fuckin' time!"

The faces of his fellow comrades were truly comical.

"_This _time?" Kakuzu repeated. "What the hell have you been doing the other times?"

"Ew!" Kisame shouted.

"I can't believe you were carrying me," Sasori said.

"I didn't do what you assholes think I did!" Hidan hollered.

"And what do we think you did?" Itachi asked.

"Oh don't turn this on me you damn bishonen," Hidan started to say.

"**Silent but deadly. I'm surprised none of us have died yet," **Black Zetsu muttered. "I agree wholeheartedly."

Tobi hung his arms. "Tobi feels sick…" _Hidan I will castrate you and hang you by the very item I have ripped off if you dare let one fucking rip again!_

Hidan glowered. "I'm telling you asses it wasn't me!"

The group bickered amongst themselves for a little while before calming down and relining themselves in front of their leader with their hands back over their noses.

Pein didn't say anything.

He was watching them all with amused eyes as he stood in front of a large rusted gate. The group of ten was assembled in the far back area of the base's yard, where a forest towered high in the sky, filled with dark shadows and sounds of jungle animals. It was evening now, and they were all sweaty, dirt-covered, and reeking of something horrid.

"I suddenly feel like I'm in another part of the world," Kisame mumbled, voice nasally from where he was pinching his nose.

"I hear you," Deidara mumbled back.

"This is where the last test will take place," Pein finally said with a small smile. "I hope you all like swamps."

Everyone's eyes widened.

Pein grinned, pushing open the gate and motioning for his members to follow him inside. As he pushed through several bushes and low hanging trees, he started to speak. "For this test, I will not be participating. Red Team- you'll do this without me. Blue Team will compete with all members."

"Is that fair?" Sasori uninterestedly asked.

"This test doesn't depend on the amount of teammates," Pein said. "In fact, having more may be a disadvantage. It depends on how you see it."

Kisame hummed in the back of his throat. "Interesting. Just what are we doing with this swamp? Swimming across it?"

Itachi glanced at him from where he and his teammates were walking further behind. "You would suggest that."

"What makes you say that?" Kisame looked over his shoulder.

"Nothing," Itachi deadpanned.

Pein coughed lightly. "You won't be swimming, that's for sure." He pulled a branch out the way, waving everyone inside the clearing it revealed, smirking and turning away when Kakuzu approached.

Kakuzu snorted, grabbing the branch whipping his way before pulling it back and letting it smack his leader across the head.

Pein face-planted. "Damn you…" he grumbled, getting back to his feet. He walked into the clearing where his members stood, staring at the large pit in front of them. It was chalk full of mud, broken logs, dead leaves, bubbling substances, insects, and smelled foul like-

"Shit! This smells like fucking shit!" Hidan shouted, back peddling a few steps.

"The scent's even stronger here!" Konan exclaimed, hunching over.

"A part of me just died," Sasori mumbled, eyes half-lidded.

Tobi collapsed. _Dear GOD Pein- what the hell are you trying to do!_

"You'll get used to it eventually," Pein said, coming to stand in front of the two teams. "Now pay attention to the rules of this test."

Deidara covered his mouth. "That's…kind of hard to do hmm…" He glanced beside him and jumped in fright. "What the hell!"

Zetsu was there, his Venus flytrap covering his face as he stood, dead as a doornail.

Hidan waved a hand in front of Zetsu's closed face. "I think the smell fucking killed him."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Kakuzu said, jabbing a thumb behind him. "Kisame is already."

Sure enough, lying on the forest floor was Kisame, just as dead as Zetsu. Tobi was leaning over him, waving a giant leaf in his face. "Wake up Kisame-san!" he shouted. "Your team needs you to win!"

"On second thought," Itachi said, "let's just leave him."

Kisame snapped to a sitting position, fake tears running down his cheeks. "How mean Itachi!"

"Alright, alright, enough," Pein heavily sighed. "Listen up." He pulled out a pair of ropes. "You will be using this to complete this test."

"Do you have a rope fetish or something?" Konan questioned.

Pein's eye twitched. "_No_. Ropes are just very useful."

There was some snickering from several of his members.

Pein turned on them in a second. "ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!"

Deidara, Hidan, Kisame, and Tobi raised their hands defensively, smiles on their faces. Well in Tobi's case- beneath his mask.

Pein chose to ignore them for the time being. "I will be waiting on the other side of the swamp to ensure of no foul play during this round. Tie this rope to each of your wrists- it'll connect you with everyone on your team. If one person goes down, all of you will," he said, lifting the two ropes in his hands. "However, you can chose to cut the rope at any given time. I just want you all to remain single file in this test. If you fail to do that, then you forfeit this round. Also- using any kekkei genkai, chakra, or jutsus will cause you to forfeit as well."

Hidan frowned. "Why do I get the fucking feeling this test will have a lot more on the line?"

Pein appraised him with a look. "Very good. This swamp is not only full of mud that drags you under, but its also poison. Hidan, I doubt you'll die, but you'll be knocked out for quite a while if you get a good enough dose of it."

Hidan blinked.

"Is it wise sending us through this things then?" Konan inquired.

Pein looked at her with the hint of a cruel smirk. "You're all S-class nukenin. I hope you haven't forgotten that in your time here."

Konan narrowed her eyes before punching him in the face. "WHO WOULD FORGET?" she roared.

"AHHH! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I was just kidding!" Pein wailed, shielding his face as she started stomping all over him.

Konan turned her nose up, stalking back to her team.

Pein pushed back to his feet, ignoring his now disfigured nose and sweatdropping members. "Anyway," he coughed into a closed hand. "The goal is easy. Get from one end of the swamp to the other. There are planks scattered all throughout the muck so it should be easy to get a landing on. Just don't slip," he smirked.

Deidara nervously fidgeted. "That's a funny thing to say to a klutz like me," he muttered.

Sasori scoffed. "Just be careful then."

"Easy for you to say."

"Oh yeah? And why is that?"

"Because you're not a klutz yeah!"

"Well neither are you!"

Kakuzu clamped a hand over Deidara's mouth. "Don't get so worked up."

Kisame pulled Sasori back several feet. "Don't pick fights now."

Deidara and Sasori scowled. "_Whatever_."

Pein clapped his hands. "Enough chatter. The sun is setting- get yourselves tied together. This last test will truly be one to…_die_ for."

Everyone blanched.

Konan just kicked him again. "Don't say it like that!"

"Ow! You ruin everything Konan!"

"Shuddap!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Who knows what these guys will get into? What is Pein planning to do with this test anyway?**

**Find out next time!**

**^v^**


	10. Getting Started

**A/N: You guys are fantastic as always. Your reviews make me laugh and smile alot. In fact, I smile so wide and so much that my cheeks really start to hurt. And then I can't stop smiling because it hurts if I suddenly stop... But that's not the point! I think it's great you like this story as much as I do~**

**And without further rambling- here are two more chapters. **

**Warning: Language, violence, OOC, the usual...**

**^v^**

* * *

><p>Ten minutes after all the Akatsuki members had recovered and gotten adjusted to the horrid smell that was the strangely hidden forest in the back of their base, they had calmed down enough to grab the offered ropes from their leader and break apart.<p>

The Blue and Red Team now conversed separately, Pein standing in the center as they discussed their plans. He had his arms folded and a secret smile on his face. _These guys don't know what they're up against. We'll see just who wins this. _

~X~

Konan placed her hands on her hips, staring sternly at her team. "We've been through a lot guys. But even the Red Team can't stop us now. No matter what- we won't lose this round."

"Facing punishment with Pein is almost as bad as having to listen to him speak," Sasori said.

Pein's head snapped over in their direction. "I heard that!"

Sasori smirked, cupping a hand over his mouth as he called back, "Good!"

Pein contemplated going over there to send the redhead a nice whack to the head, but resisted in favor of thinking about beating up Kakuzu instead. _Ah…soothing to the soul… _

"Something's wrong with our fuckin' leader," Hidan muttered, looking at the blissful expression on the orange-haired man's face.

"Nevermind that," Konan said. "We have to chose who we're going to have lead us through this swamp. The planks don't look all that stable- and it could be dangerous having someone careless leading us through it."

Sasori smugly smiled. "I guess that removes Hidan from the picture."

"Hey fuck you!" Hidan shouted.

Konan smiled a bit. "Sasori's right." She ignored the cry of protest from Hidan, looking at Kisame and Zetsu. "Zetsu- would you like to lead? You haven't been given the chance to do much in these tests."

"Thanks for the offer," Zetsu said. **"But it's much more fun watching from the sidelines and observing." **"So we'll have to pass." **"We can take the back position if you'd like."**

Konan bobbed her head. "That'd be great. Alright- Kisame, Sasori?"

Kisame gave her a toothy grin. "Why don't you just lead us Konan? You're the captain of this team after all." _And you'd probably kill us if we screwed up_, he thought with a large sweatdrop.

"Huh?" Konan blinked as if the thought had never occurred to her. "You want me to lead you guys?"

Sasori shrugged carelessly. "You're quite the violent captain. And you're not so bad for a girl-"

Konan kicked him in the face. "SEXIST BASTARD!"

Sasori laughed a little, moving the foot off of his now slightly indented nose. "You're a fine leader Konan. Just don't let any of us fall in."

Konan stepped back, looking at the smirks and grins her team was giving her. She let out a low sigh and then grinned back, pumping out a fist. "Then let's do this! We're going to win this whole fuckin' thing!"

"HELL YEAH!" Hidan cheered.

~X~

"Alright," Itachi said, looking over his team and ignoring the wild hoots from their opponents behind them. "We don't have Pein, but remember that he said having more members might be a disadvantage. And I agree with him. It's one more member you have to make sure doesn't fall in."

"Sounds about right," Kakuzu muttered. "What did you have in mind?"

"I'm thinking of the order we should tie ourselves up in," Itachi answered. "Obviously its very important to have a good leader navigating throughout this swamp."

Deidara pursed his lips in thought. "I can do it un."

Itachi and Kakuzu looked at him. "No."

Deidara blanched in disbelief. "Ha? Why not?"

Kakuzu pointed to his ankle. "You leading us with a chance of your ankle giving out is not a good idea Deidara."

"It won't give out!" Deidara argued.

"Well we're not going to let you lead anyhow," Itachi told him with a smile.

Deidara scowled and crossed his arms, grumbling under his breath.

"Tobi will lead the way this time!" Tobi cheerfully said above the mumbled complaints.

Itachi nodded. "Any objections?"

Kakuzu and Deidara raised their hands.

Itachi sweatdropped. "Okay…what is your reasoning?"

Deidara harrumphed, crossing his arms. "It's Tobi. Does there need to be any other reason yeah?"

Itachi inwardly rolled his eyes, already whipping out an arm to stop Tobi from 'glomping' the blonde. "That's not a reason. I personally don't see anything wrong with it."

Kakuzu had already started tying the rope around his left wrist. "If Tobi is the one in front, it means he's responsible for our fate. If he misses a step and we fall in, it'll be his fault. And then we'll die."

Deidara turned on him with a vein throbbing. "Don't say things like that so casually!"

Tobi wiggled his butt with his hands on his hips, a pout behind his mask. Or- what sounded like a pout. He was really growling fiercely like a wild animal. "Deidara-sempai~ Karma will come back one day and get you really bad~!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP TOBI UN!" Deidara roared, drawing back an arm to sock the masked man in the face.

Tobi laughed, dancing out of the way. "Wow sempai~ Your aim really does suck." _Ahahaha!_

Deidara's face turned fiercely dark, several ticks mark plastering to the back of his head. "I'm…going to _kill _you!"

Kakuzu took hold of the blonde's elbow before he could charge, tying the rope around his wrist so that they were connecting with five feet of distance between them.

Deidara, so wrapped up in thoughts of murdering the happiest member of Akatsuki, didn't even notice.

Tobi blew a raspberry. "You can't catch me!"

"TOBI-!" Deidara started to roar.

Itachi moved in between Tobi and Deidara with a sigh, taking the rope and connecting it to his wrist. "Enough bickering you two. I'll follow behind Tobi in case anything _does _go wrong. Does that satisfy the both of you?"

Deidara looked away. "_Fine_."

Tobi eagerly clapped his hands, tying the last part of the rope to him. "Hooray! Tobi's so happy to have this chance!"

"Just don't screw up," Deidara muttered.

Tobi turned with a hidden eye twitching. "Of course not sempai~" _If it's anyone I make fall in, it'll be you…_

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Ok guys. Let's head to Leader-san and the Blue Team. This is our last chance to win and escape punishment."

Kakuzu nodded. "The Blue Team will lose."

~X~

"And the Blue Team wins!" Pein cheerfully said, holding a hand out to Konan.

The Red Team's eyes bugged. "NANI?"

The Blue Team struck triumphant poses, holding out peace signs out sticking out their tongues.

Itachi brought a hand to his head, sighing heavily.

Deidara angrily pointed at Tobi. "I told you to pick Scissors un! All you ever pick is Rock!"

Kakuzu restrained the livid blonde. "Nothing we can do about it now. Tobi chose what he wanted."

Pein bobbed his head. "Thank you Kakuzu. Because the Red Team lost in Jan-Ken-Po, Blue Team will start to cross the swamp first."

The two teams had been called together before starting the race to decide who would start them off. Seeing how the planks were only wide enough to support one person at a time, only one team would be able to head across. The other team would follow behind shortly an attempt to pass them once the swamp space grew wider and they could afford to spread out without falling in.

The Red Team had hoped to gain the advantage in this round but…

"Damn you Tobi…" Deidara cried fake tears.

Itachi tapped him on the head. "We'll be fine. We're faster than them."

Deidara sighed. "I sure hope so hmm…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The start of a real test! Sort of...**

**Hahaha, I really do love Pein by the way. He's just fun to characterize this way :P**


	11. Between Winning and Friendship!

Konan, lined up with her team behind her in the following order of Hidan, Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu, stood at the entrance of the swamp. Behind her Pein and the Red Team lined up in the order of Tobi (why the hell did they chose him?), Itachi, Deidara, and Kakuzu, were waiting to go.

Hidan nudged the blue-haired woman in the back, causing her to look at him. "Um…is the Red Team _trying _to fucking lose or what?"

Konan sighed. "I don't know why they chose Tobi either."

"Maybe so he could fall in first," Sasori suggested.

"**That'd be interesting to watch," **Black Zetsu snickered.

"Aw come on guys," Kisame said with a concealed laugh. "Let's be nice."

This caused the Blue Team to chuckle amongst themselves.

Tobi, who could hear them very clearly, popped a muscle. _When you guys are drowning in this stupid swamp- don't expect any of us to come to your rescue…_

Konan took a step out onto the very first plank that floated on the swamp. She looked over her shoulder to check that her team was ready to go, and then glanced at Pein who was several feet behind to make sure the Red Team didn't try anything tricky.

Pein caught her gaze and smiled. "Okay. Looks like we're ready to start."

The setting sun cast dark shadows across the clearing, making it harder to see some of the planks and the horribly built deck out in the middle of the swamp.

"You can start as soon as I disappear," Pein said. "I'll be waiting on the other side of the swamp for the victor. And remember- whoever loses this- will have to deal with me. No matter how late at night or tired you may be."

"Yeah, yeah, we fuckin' understand," Hidan grumbled.

Pein nodded. "Then good luck."

Konan blinked as their leader disappeared, immediately taking off at a casual pace to ensure her footing was not lost. Her team followed in almost the exact same manor.

~X~

Deidara impatiently tapped his foot, watching the Blue Team advance at an agonizingly slow trot. "Could they go any slower un? I want to hurry up and pass them."

"Don't be so impatient," Itachi muttered.

"It won't be easy to pass them," Kakuzu added. "Those planks are unstable," he said, eyes trained on Kisame who stumbled slightly on the plank Sasori just crossed. "And being connected, they have to make sure they're moving in unison or else they could fall."

Deidara frowned. "I guess you're right un. But can we really move like them?" He was referring to their obvious teamwork. It looked as if only one person was moving as they leapt and side-stepped onto each new plank.

Kakuzu heaved his shoulders. "We can only see when we try it out for ourselves."

"Do you think they're far out enough yet?" Itachi wondered aloud. They would have a hard enough time getting their bodies to act in unison, let alone make up the distance between them and the other team.

As if on cue, Tobi tugged at the head of the rope to gain their attention. "It's time for the Red Team to move out~" he hoorayed, just to tick them all off.

And it worked quite nicely.

"JUST SHUT UP AND LEAD US HMM!"

~X~

Konan lightly jumped onto the next plank several feet away from the one she had just been touching, noticing that they were passing under a low hanging tree branch. Her eyes caught sight of something dangling off the middle of the branch, but being shorter than most on her team other Sasori, she easily passed under it.

Hidan was grinning broadly, obviously pleased with their apparent victory. Grinning so happily in fact, that he wasn't really watching where he was going.

Sasori hummed thoughtfully, eyes flicking up briefly before looking at Hidan's back. "Watch for the bee's nest," he said.

Hidan whipped his head around. "What?" The back of his skull collided with the buzzing home of a pack of bees, all of which angrily swarmed out at the disturbance and attacked the offender. Hidan screeched like a banshee, trying not to move around and trip his fellow teammates up, all the while being stung various times all over the face.

"HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING HELL! THIS SHIT HURTS LIKE A BITCH! GET AWAY YOU TINY FLYING SPAWNS OF BIGGER FLYING HEATHENS!"

When the bees finally decided they had enough, they peacefully went back into their hive to create more honey.

Hidan's face was now swollen like a balloon, eyes barely visible through his violently puffed up cheeks. "Little fuckers!" he cursed in a muffled voice. "Why the fuck did they only attack me!"

Kisame snickered, having the sense to duck beneath the bee's hive as he and Sasori followed after the swelling Jashinist. "There's something about your face Hidan that just makes others want to punch you," he teased.

Hidan tried and failed to glare at the shark nin. "I hate you."

Kisame raised his untied hand as a sign of peace. "Hey- I'm not the one who stung you."

Sasori smirked. "I did warn you."

"Right when the goddamn thing was at my head!" Hidan yelled.

"Whoops," Sasori let out a noise of amusement.

"Good thing you're immortal," Konan sniggered into her untied hand. "Those stings would have killed anyone else."

"Shut the fuck up!" Hidan shouted with a popped vein.

Konan laughed, skillfully maneuvering them onto the next plank. "Kisame- how much distance do we have on the Red Team."

Kisame looked over his shoulder and grinned at the obviously peeved Red Team being led by a singing and dancing Tobi. "Enough to win," he said.

Konan grinned back. "And that's what I like to hear."

~X~

Kakuzu was absently bringing up the rear of their group, jumping onto another plank in his team's footsteps when his eye caught sight of something glinting in the sunset. "Hm?" He paused for a moment and then looked up at Deidara's retreating back. "Wait a minute Deidara. There's money here and I want to pick it up."

Deidara rolled his eyes, not bothering to look back. "Don't joke around about things like that hmm…"

"I'm not joking Deidara- there's really money lying here," Kakuzu argued.

"Whatever un. You want to grab it, then grab it," Deidara muttered. "Geez!"

"You're so prissy when you get stressed out," Kakuzu grouched, starting to crouch. His wrist gave a sharp pull on the rope connecting them.

"Don't tug on the rope!" Deidara yelled. "You'll make one of us fall!"

Kakuzu snorted, bending down anyway to pick up the shiny coin.

Deidara was pulled back as the medic nin moved, body panicking in alarm as he quickly yanked himself forward to straighten back up and get a better grip on the plank he was on.

Kakuzu stumbled from the off-balance tug, falling off into the swamp. The mud rose up before beginning to drag him under. "Deidara!"

Deidara froze, snapping his head around to look for his calling teammate. "What now-?" He saw the bubbling mud and let out a curse, pulling out a kunai from his holster and slicing the rope that connected him to Itachi and Tobi. _Crap. Why do I always seem to be the one who knocks other people into things hmm? _He then dived in after Kakuzu without another thought- knowing they needed all four members to win. And well, who would leave their friend to die?

Itachi paused, looking behind him when the rope on his wrist fell limp. "Tobi wait here," he instructed before turning and running to where his teammates has vanished.

Tobi scratched the back of his head. _These idiots are going to get themselves killed. And I can't take over the world with dead idiots. Well I suppose I could- but I still need them to get the Bijuu. Aw damn it all. _"Tobi doesn't want to wait!" he wailed, rushing after Itachi.

~X~

Pein was sitting cross-legged on a hill on the other side of the swamp, watching the Blue Team advance swiftly and carefully through the planks with Konan at the front. Occasionally they would pick on each other to keep the mood light and the stress away, but other than that, they were the closest to the finish line. As for his own team… Pein finally looked away from Konan's team for the first time, looking behind them to see what exactly was taking the Red Team so long.

His eyes grew marginally wider. _They cut the rope and fell in? They do realize I wasn't joking about the poison- right? _Then it hit him. Right on the head. _Stupid tree branches! _He had left money on the planks. Purely accidental of course.

..._right_...

But knowing Kakuzu…

Pein slapped a palm to his head.

~X~

Deidara burst out from the mud using his chakra to push the muck away from his sides and swim to the top. In one arm he had a hold of Kakuzu, the other he was blindly using to grab onto something up on the swamp planks.

Itachi lunged forward, grabbing a hold of the blonde's hand before he could be yanked under again. "Why would you even _think _of jumping into this?"

"You think I did this for fun?" Deidara asked with a popped vein. "Look- I have Kakuzu here, but most of my chakra was used up in that piggyback race hmm."

Itachi tried to pull both his teammates out of the mud.

"Whoa! Watch it!" Deidara exclaimed. "You're going to rip my arm off!"

"Well what do you want me to do?" Itachi questioned, starting to get frustrated. "You do realize you're in poison right?"

Deidara blinked. "I forgot about that."

Itachi resisted the urge to smack a palm to his face, instead opting to try and figure out a way to get the blonde and medic nin out. Because unlike Hidan, they weren't immortal. And their leader never specified what kind of poison it was. It could be fast acting or cause burning from the inside out.

Tobi came up behind him, grabbing Itachi around the waist tightly.

Itachi felt an eye twitch. "What are you doing?"

"This isn't the time to be giving hugs Tobi un!" Deidara shouted.

"I'm not sempai," Tobi said in a calm tone. _I have half the mind to leave you to drown… You're lucky I'm nice. _"Sempai, send your remaining chakra to the joint around your shoulder and wrist. That way it won't be dislocated so easily when Itachi-san tried and pulls you out."

Deidara blinked. "Good idea." He did as instructed, thinking only briefly about Tobi's sudden genius. His skin was starting to feel itchy. _Kami. I hope I don't have a rash. They make me look bad. _

"Did you send the chakra to your arm?" Itachi asked.

Deidara sent him a glare. "Can't you see with your Sharingan?"

"We're not allowed to use doujutsu," Itachi told him.

"How is Leader-san going to see you from back here?" Deidara muttered, huffing when he felt a harsh pull try and drag Kakuzu further under- and coincidentally, him. "Geez! I can't feel my feet anymore!"

Itachi was pulled forward a few inches, very close to the edge of the plank he and Tobi stood on. The only part of Deidara that could be seen now was the top of his shoulder belonging to the arm being held by Itachi, his neck, and head. His other side of his body was weighed down by Kakuzu and mud.

Tobi grunted, tightening his hold on the younger Uchiha. "Itachi do not let go of his hand."

Itachi furrowed his brows, trying to take a step back. "I wasn't planning on it. Deidara," he addressed the blonde in front of him. Or what he could see of him. "Can you try and pull yourself out?"

Deidara narrowed his eye, obviously trying to move his body. "I can't un. If I move too much, I'll lose my hold on Kakuzu's arm. I already tried-" He winced.

"What's the matter?" Itachi asked.

"The…mud…" Deidara suddenly looked panicked. "I can't breathe! The mud is constricting around us un!"

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "Don't panic. Hold on- we're going to pull you guys out." He activated his Sharingan.

Tobi took several steps back but to no avail. He jerked forward just as quickly. _Crap. What kind of mud is this? I can't even pull three fools out of danger? _

Deidara looked like he was going to say something before something beneath him gave a violent tug on his sprained ankle. He felt the bone separate and screamed .

~X~

Sasori blinked, halting and looking over his shoulder. "What's going on?" he asked aloud.

The others also stopped as his voice, turning to see what the problem was. Tobi was struggling to hold onto Itachi, who was struggling to hold onto Deidara, who could no longer be seen except for his arm and was struggling to hold his breath and Kakuzu, who was struggling against the mud sucking him down.

Tobi looked like he was beginning to lose his grip.

"Where the fuck is Kakuzu?" Hidan muttered.

"Forget about them," Pein said from his position at the end of the swamp. "you're close to the end and if you win this you can get total victory. You don't have to suffer punishment. Isn't that what you want?"

"That's your team," Kisame said.

"Not for this round," Pein replied.

Konan's eyes turned to slits. "Pein, you said this swamp was deadly."

"And…?"

"You can't just leave half of our members to die!" she shouted with a popped vein.

Pein picked at his nails. "Yes I can. Besides, Itachi and Tobi will still be here if they would just let go of Deidara."

"They wouldn't do that," Kisame said.

"You don't know that."

"They're friends," Zetsu softly said. **"And we're friends with the morons too."**

Pein raised his brows. "Oh?"

Sasori harrumphed, turning around. "Screw this- I'm going to help the brat before he dies."

Konan followed. "Me too."

"What the fuck are we waiting for?" Hidan suddenly shouted. "Let's get a goddamn move on!"

Kisame and Zetsu nodded, and the Blue Team ran back to help the Red Team.

Pein watched them run off and then smirked.

~X~

Tobi was literally popping veins to keep his hold on Itachi's waist. "This…is…fucking impossible!"

Itachi was facing a similar predicament, fingers barely holding onto Deidara's. _There has to be a jutsu involved in this. Mud _can't _do things like this. _His eyes widened as his fingers slipped out of Deidara's. The blonde's arm almost snapped beneath the mud, being caught just in time by barely visible chakra strings. Itachi blinked before looking over his shoulder.

Sasori gave him a smirk. "I've got your back. Grab his hand," he said from behind Tobi.

Itachi nodded, grabbing the now limp hand in his own. _Not good. Kakuzu and Deidara might be unconscious… _

"Kisame- use a water jutsu!" Konan snapped as if reading Itachi's mind. She had grabbed a hold of Tobi, followed by Zetsu who was being tugged by Kisame, who was being pulled back by under his arms by Hidan. They had all sent a steady stream of chakra to their feet and arms for added support and power, and now a dull glow of blue could be seen rising off their bodies.

"Which one?" Kisame asked.

"It doesn't matter! Just use one that'll wash this entire swamp out!" Konan shouted.

"Gotcha!" Kisame moved out of Hidan's arms, letting the Jashinist grab a hold of Zetsu as he formed the seals for a water jutsu he deemed powerful enough. He leaned his head back, cheeks puffing as the water built up in his mouth. _Water Style: White Water Fall no Jutsu! _

Sasori lifted a brow. "Hey…aren't we all in the way of-?"

Everyone's head snapped around to Kisame just as the massive burst of water shot out of his mouth, knocking them all apart and into various parts of the swamp. The mud just started grabbing at them when Kisame's jutsu twisted in a water drill, rising up like a might tsunami before plunging into the swamp with full force. Mud, water, and logs exploded everywhere, the ground trembling violently.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And they all died. **

**OK, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, geez! *dodges several boulders and a tree***

**But seriously...what DID happen to these guys?**

**True comrades never abandon their friends in times of need. **


	12. Consequences

**A/N: I couldn't help it. Why would I leave you guys hanging like that? Here's another chapter for you!**

**Warning: Language, joyous things, OOC...**

**Have fun! :P**

* * *

><p>When the water ebbed away and brought the mud with it, there was a large crater in the spot where the swamp used to be. And in the crater were the gasping and hacking members of the Akatsuki.<p>

Kisame was the first to sit up, rubbing the back of his head and looking around. The one closest to him was Tobi and he quickly made his way over, pulling the masked man to a sitting position. "You okay Tobi?"

Tobi was seething beneath his mask. "Tobi's okay Kisame-san." _I should slap you for almost drowning everyone! Next time wait until we MOVE OUT THE WAY! _He jumped to his feet, 'accidentally' whacking the shark nin in the face with his foot.

Kisame twitchingly smiled, accidentally punching him in the throat. "Whoops."

After a minor tussle consisting of 'accidents' between the two, they moved around the crater to check on their fellow members.

Itachi was already helping Hidan to his feet before going over to help Sasori pull Deidara from under several planks of woods. Zetsu picked Konan up and set her steady before sloshing over in the damp crater over to Kisame and Tobi.

Kisame placed his hands on his hips. "Is everyone accounted for?"

Hidan threw the last piece of wood off of Deidara, looking at the shark nin over his shoulder. "No. That asshole Kakuzu is still missing!"

Konan frowned, glancing around. Her searching gaze landed on a cocoon. A really big one. She tilted her head to the side and pointed. "What is that?"

Itachi left Sasori to try and wake his unconscious partner, moving over to the cocoon with his Sharingan eyes narrowed in thought. "There's a weak chakra signature inside."

"**Either it's Kakuzu, or some sort of freakish bog butterfly," **Black Zetsu muttered. "I think it's Kakuzu," White Zetsu said afterwards.

Sure enough, when Itachi started to peel away the mud, he could make out the familiar shirt and half-mask of their fellow member. "He's in here. Somebody help me get him out," he said as he continued to rip away the encasing mud.

Konan and Tobi grabbed Kakuzu, pulling him all the way out from the clump of mud wrapped around his body as Hidan ran over, sliding onto his knees in front of his partner. Konan and Tobi immediately backed away, not knowing what the Jashinist's reaction would be.

"Oh Kakuzu you bastard…" Hidan mumbled, overlooking his partner sprawled before him.

"Poor Hidan," Kisame mumbled.

"Is Kakuzu-san alive?" Tobi asked.

No one answered.

"Hidan would be devastated," Sasori muttered, kneeling beside Deidara and placing a hand on his head.

"How will he handle it?" Zetsu said. **"With a gun." **"What?" **"Nothing!" **

Hidan grabbed his partner by the collar, smacking Kakuzu several times across the face. "WAKE THE FUCK UP MONEY-WHORE!"

The group sweatdropped.

Sasori looked back down at his unmoving partner. "Do you think I should try that?" he mused.

Konan knelt beside him. "Um, no. Hidan's just an idiot."

Sasori snorted. "True."

"Hey I heard that you fuckers!" Hidan shouted, in their direction before rapidly shaking his partner back and forth by the front of his shirt. "GODDAMN YOU ASSHOLE! IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP I'LL BURN ALL YOUR MONEY TO THE GROUND! JASHIN-SWEAR!"

Kakuzu snapped up like a light. "MY MONEY!"

"AND HE'S ALIVE!" Hidan cheered, punching Kakuzu in the face. "HOORAY!"

Kakuzu growled, vein popping. "STOP SHOUTING!" he roared, kicking him in the mouth.

"Ow! Motherfucker!"

Kisame sighed. "You can tell they're glad to see each other."

"Funny way of showing it," Zetsu murmured. **"Not as funny as your **_**face**_**! Ha!" **"Oh real funny. Ha ha."

Itachi came up beside them. "It's the only way they know how to show it."

"Maybe I should try it with the brat," Sasori thoughtfully muttered. He poked the blonde's cold cheek. "Your explosions suck."

"…"

"Art is eternal."

"…"

"You're a brat."

"…"

"You're not my friend anymore."

"..."

"And I'm running out of ideas," Sasori said.

"Maybe you should shout it, like Hidan and Kakuzu," Kisame said, motioning with his hands.

"I'm not shouting in his ear," Sasori muttered.

"Well he's not exactly waking up," Kakuzu pointed out.

"Wish _you _didn't," Hidan grouched.

Kakuzu slapped him upside the head. "Idiot."

"Bitch!" Hidan yelled before they started fighting again.

Sasori crossed his arms, looking at the pair. "Can we please be serious about this?"

Tobi pranced over, putting his head on the sopping wet shirt that belonged to Deidara. He listened quietly for several seconds and then looked at Sasori. _Well shit. _"Sempai's dead."

"Stop messing around," Sasori scolded, pushing the masked man away to check for himself. He too listened quietly, aware of all the stares from everyone else. After a moment, he sat back, face blank.

"What is it?" Konan worriedly asked.

Even Kakuzu and Hidan stopped arguing to pay attention.

Sasori looked away. "He's dead."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: O.O**

**Until the next chapter...**


	13. Matter Solved?

**A/N: And here we come upon the final chapters... sad but... :) **

**Enjoy the story.**

**Warning: Language, OOC, violence, the usual...**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters but would very much like to own the show and bend it to my twisted will. **

**^v^**

* * *

><p>"You're joking right?" Kisame laughed. "Sasori, quit joking."<p>

Sasori gave him a dark look. "I'm not joking."

"Kisame," Itachi admonished. "Who would joke about their comrade's death?"

Kisame's grin slowly faded. "But…it's not like Deidara can really be dead."

"The fucker is right!" Hidan shouted, stomping to the shark nin's side. "These tests were supposed to be fucking harmless. Just a bunch of stupid shit to make us get along- right?"

Konan frowned. "That's what Pein said."

Itachi looked at a silently angry Sasori, lips turning down. "I'm sure Deidara isn't dead Sasori. Leader-san wouldn't intentionally have one of us killed."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Okay...maybe he would," Itachi muttered.

Zetsu tilted his head to the side, glancing at Tobi in question.

Tobi just shrugged his shoulders. _Kid's dead as a doornail. _

Zetsu deadpanned. "At least look sad about it…" he muttered.

Kakuzu walked over, covered in muck but otherwise unharmed. He knelt down beside the unusually pale blonde, hands immediately glowing a bright green above his chest. "I highly doubt that Kisame's jutsu would have drowned him. There's no water in his system but…." He furrowed his brows, glancing at Sasori. "There's a lot of poison."

"I have a few antidotes," Sasori hurriedly said, reaching into his shirt to pull out several syringes.

"Why do you walk around with those?" Konan asked.

"Because Deidara is stupid and always hurts himself," Sasori answered, eyeing what choices he had. "I could either stab him with all of these and see which one works or test it out on your guys first. Of course the side effects include nausea, cramps, dairihhia, and death."

The group sweatdropped. "Who'd want to try that…?" they muttered.

"Something the matter?" a new voice asked.

The Akatsuki members turned as one towards the source, eyes growing large.

Pein stood a good amount of distance away, watching them all with a slightly amused look in his eyes.

Hidan pointed angrily at the orange-haired man. "Where the fuck were you when we needed some goddamn help?"

Pein raised his hands, eyeing the gathered nukenin who seemed quite ready to tear him apart. Except for Tobi. He could never tell what the masked man was thinking. "Relax guys."

"Don't tell me to relax," Sasori hissed, standing to his feet. "Deidara was the only brat who _didn't _piss me off like the others. Now I need a new partner- and I'll be damned if you bring Orochimaru back!"

"True that," Kisame agreed. "He was always in my bed when I woke up…"

Kakuzu and Konan gave him an odd look.

"That's kinda weird," Zetsu voiced what they were thinking. **"But now that we think about it… Didn't all of us wake up at one point with him in our room?"**

A depressing aura smacked them all over the head. _So true… _

Hidan shook his head to clear his mind, motioning at the pretty lifeless blonde in the middle of them. "We don't have time to think about fucking weird stuff like that! We have to give him the Hemlich Manuever or some shit like that!"

"Hidan- that's not the manuever you use when someone's dying of poison," Itachi told him in an exasperated voice.

"Well then what the fuck are we supposed to do!" Hidan hollered.

"Not panic and shout like you," Kakuzu grumbled, shoving his head down.

Hidan scowled but quieted down.

Pein walked over, looking for all the world like he was on a morning stroll. "I think I can fix this quite easily." He knelt beside Deidara and then ripped a small needle out the blonde's neck. "Although I can't imagine how a bunch of S-ranked shinobi didn't catch sight of this."

Itachi raised a brow. "And how did that get in there?"

"I threw it somewhere along the time Kisame decided to use his water jutsu," Pein nonchalantly said. "Your reactions were interesting to me."

"This isn't a game Pein," Konan growled. "We don't know what kind of poison was in there."

"Needle induced poison," Pein said with a grin. "I lied. The swamp was never poisonous. But it _did _have a mud sucking jutsu placed on it. The poison is one of your own Sasori- and its slow acting. The placement of the needle just inflicted momentary death."

Sasori suspiciously glared at him. "Where did you get my poison from? And which one is it?"

Pein thoughtfully hummed. "Your rooms aren't _unbreakable _you know. I just kicked the door- _obviously_. As for the poison, it's one of the less painful ones. I believe one that restricts the breathing and causes an intense burning throughout the body's muscles?"

Everyone shied away from the redhead.

"One of the _less _fuckin' painful ones?" Hidan whispered to Zetsu.

"**You know Hidan- there are reasons why we tell you to **_**not **_**irk Sasori," **Black Zetsu dryly said.

Hidan stuck on his tongue.

Which Zetsu promptly tried to bite off.

Hidan ran to his partner. "HOLY FUCK!"

"You're lucky I happen to carry that antidote with me at all times," Sasori muttered over the shouting behind him, carefully putting the unneeded syringes into his shirt before taking the selected one and searching for a place to inject it.

Tobi bounced nearby. "Why don't you just put in in sempai's neck where Leader-san threw the needle? That way you won't have to make another hole in sempai's body," he eagerly advised.

"…Wow Tobi," Konan commented.

"One of the only things you said that have made sense," Kisame joked.

"I think these tests have made you smarter," Sasori said without looking at Tobi, opting to slid the antidote into his partner's neck instead.

Tobi felt an eye twitch. "Oh yes Sasori-san~ Tobi will later show you just how smart he's become…"

"I'm not playing Scrabble with you so you can form all the three letter words in your vocabulary Tobi," Sasori murmured, starting to sit his waking partner up.

Tobi cracked his knuckles. _You damn inflatable puppet! I'll show you a three letter word-_

"Your voices tire me out," Pein interrupted before the masked man could lunge. "Deidara will be fine now- just take him inside the base. All of you are going to meet me in the living room so we can discuss the winners and losers- along with the matter of who gets the punishment." A sadistic smile spread across his face.

"I'm suddenly reminded of why he's our leader," Kisame muttered to Kakuzu with a depressing aura around him.

Kakuzu grunted.

Pein smirked. "Get to it."


	14. And the Results Are

The group of Akatsuki nins were right back where they had started at the beginning of the day- in the living room in their pajamas and night clothes. Luckily for them, Pein permitted them to all shower and clean up. He must have been in a fairly good mood watching them all suffer and practically die.

Now their leader had taken up his usual position in the center of the room, arms crossed in a casual fishnet shirt and pants. "Good to have you all here."

Konan threw a couch pillow at his head. "YOU CALLED US HERE BAKA!"

Pein smacked his head on the wall behind him as the pillow made contact, rubbing his sore nose and the swelling bruise on his head with a popped vein. "Must you throw _everything _at me Konan!"

"I haven't thrown the lamp yet…" Konan grumbled in a threatening voice.

There were several snickers.

Pein rolled his eyes. "Enough already everyone. I would like to discuss the results of our…_tests _today."

This seemed to quell any signs of humor within the group.

Deidara was knocked out like a light against Kakuzu's shoulder on the sofa, mumbling under his breath about bog monsters and stupid bones that couldn't stay connected.

Sasori went to wake him up, but his leader's voice stopped him.

"Leave him be. What I have to say doesn't really concern him," Pein said.

Sasori's brows raised.

Pein coughed into a closed fist lightly, and then started to speak. "I created these exercises so that all of you would learn to work together. You bicker everyday, cause unnecessary damage to the base, and create more bills to pay. The amount of stress you morons give me is absolutely ridiculous…"

"Stress? We don't give you fucking stress," Hidan said from where he sat cross-legged on the floor.

"**You're the number one stress cause here Hidan," **Black Zetsu muttered from beside him.

Hidan turned to him with a popped vein. "I AM FUCKIN' NOT!"

"You're also the reason why half of us have gone deaf," White Zetsu mumbled.

"NA-UH!"

Kakuzu felt an eye twitch, kicking him in the back of his head. "Shut the hell up Hidan!"

Hidan cursed, about to start a fight when Pein clapped his hands.

"See what I mean?" Pein insisted. "Half of your fights don't even make sense and can be avoided. But that's not the point here. You are all aware of the results of these tests I'm sure. Red Team scored once. Blue Team scored once. And both tied. That makes you all even."

There were mixed sighs and expressions of relief. Their leader couldn't possibly make any of them go through punishment-

"And now I'll let you know who won and who lost," Pein chirped with a gleeful look on his face.

Everyone's face dropped in horror. _NANI? _

"B-B-But-" Kisame held out his hands as if that would do something. "No one could have possibly have won or lost that last test."

Pein's eyes darkened, a sadistic grin spreading across his face. "Are you doubting my judging abilities Kisame?"

Kisame shrunk considerably. "Er- no?"

Itachi inwardly rolled his eyes at his partner before bringing his gaze to the happy orange-haired man in front of them. "What's the punishment?"

"I would be able to get it out if all you of would LET ME SPEAK!" Pein yelled, eye twitching.

Itachi raised his hands.

Sasori leaned over to Konan and whispered, "Someone has a stick up their butt."

"A really big one," she whispered back.

Although they weren't really whispering. It more like talking in a loud voice on purpose.

Pein stomped his foot, flames rising out behind him. "I'm standing right here!"

Tobi giggled into a gloved hand. "Oh we can all see that very clearly Leader-san~" _Ah…I sure do love ruining his good mood… _

"Shut up!" Pein yelled, looking very much like a child throwing a tantrum.

His members couldn't help but laugh to themselves.

"I hope all of you die." Pein's brow quirked.

They responded by flashing him peace signs and large grins.

Pein sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "Now then- in regards to the final round…I was touched by your concern over your fellow members," he admitted. "Especially going back to save Deidara and Kakuzu. You all could have been killed- but you chose to stick by each other's sides."

Kakuzu made a grunting noise, careful not to shift the blonde resting on him. "Why wouldn't we go back for the kid? He's like the baby of this family."

Pein gave him an amused look. "Oho? Suddenly you refer to us as a family?"

"Well of course," Kakuzu harrumphed. "We all knew it. It just wasn't cool when _you _said it."

Pein popped a vein. "WHY YOU-!"

"So what's the verdict?" Konan asked, crocheting a blanket.

Pein's eyes bugged. "When the hell did you-?"

Konan gave him a vicious look. "The. Verdict. Pein."

Pein groaned in frustration, hanging his arms with a defeated look. "You all are victors here for your valiant acts of kindness and friendship towards on another-"

"In Japanese please motherfucker," Hidan cut him off.

Oh yes. Pein's eye was definitely spazzing now. "No one loses because you all worked together!" he shouted.

Hidan sagely nodded. "I see…"

Pein started to clench his fist and stomp towards the silver-haired man, only to be tripped along the way by Kakuzu and his extended foot. "Ack!"

"So no punishment huh?" Kakuzu innocently grouched.

Konan and Sasori laughed.

Pein jumped to his feet, killer aura rising out from his body. "You guys…"

"Tobi thinks we should watch a movie!" Tobi cheered. _Before Pein changes his mind and tries to really kill us. _

"What a wonderful idea," Itachi snorted. "Because we all know that's what S-ranked criminals do in their free time." He moved to find an appropriate movie before the masked man could try and maul him for being sarcastic towards him.

Hidan snickered.

Sasori got up from the sofa, heading for the kitchen. "I'll get the snacks."

"Oh- I'll help!" Kisame excitedly said. He paused and then looked back at Zetsu. "Sorry buddy. Tonight you'll just have to deal with juice and potato-related snacks."

Zetsu sighed. "Fine…"

Itachi straightened up from where he had been searching by the television set. "I found something," he announced.

Pein walked over with curious eyes. "What is it?"

"A movie," Itachi smirked.

Pein started to throttle him. "I know what it is dammit!"

"Then why'd you ask?" Konan irritably said, throwing one of her crocheting needles at their leader's back.

"Ow!" Pein released Itachi in an effort to pull the oddly sharp needle out of his spine. "You could have killed me!"

Konan huffed as Itachi put the movie in. "A shame it didn't…"

Pein faced her with fake tears running down his cheeks. "I feel hated…"

Kakuzu made a noise of agreement. "At least the feeling is mutual."

Pein pointed an accusing finger at him. "How is it- that after all this time- you _still _manage to PISS ME OFF!"

Kakuzu grinned beneath his half mask.

Deidara blearily blinked at the chatter around him, lifting his head away from Kakuzu in confusion. "What's going on…hmm?"

Kisame ruffled the front of his hair from behind the sofa, one arm full of drinks. "Nothing too important kiddo."

Deidara sat up, looking around at the suddenly festive members. "No… I definitely missed something."

Sasori rolled his eyes, placing a bowl of popcorn in the blonde's lap. "Just shut up and watch the movie brat."

Deidara stiffened. "What kind?"

Sasori gave him an amused look, not opting to answer.

Deidara blanched. "Sasori-no-danna!"

"Don't worry," Zetsu calmly said from in front of him where he sat with Hidan and Tobi. "It's a comedy." **"And here I was hoping it'd be a horror."**

Everyone visibly flinched, shooting a grinning Konan dirty looks.

"What?" She helplessly shrugged. "They amuse me."

"We know that all too well…" they all muttered, depressing waves above their heads.

Pein chuckled at their expressions, walking over to sit in the center of the sofa with the remote in his hand. "Nevermind that. Let's just relax for now."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Happy ending right? **

**Oh- but the story's not over yet :D**


	15. Epilogue: Teamwork

**A/N: The Next Morning...**

* * *

><p>"Rise and shine~"<p>

"…" Deidara inwardly growled, rolling onto his side to try and ignore the oddly chipper voice calling to him.

"Time to get up brat." Sasori nudged his ribcage annoyingly with his foot.

"…" Deidara's eye twitched.

"I said get up."

"…Go away hmm…." Deidara finally muttered, stuffing his pillow over his ears.

"No."

"Well I'm not getting up then!"

"You're going to miss breakfast!"

"So- who cares about that un!"

"Get the hell up!" Sasori snapped, ripping the pillow off of his partner's head.

Deidara glowered, burying himself beneath his sheets instead. "No!"

"You're already awake so what's the big deal!" Sasori tore the blankets off of him next, trying in vain to pull him off the mattress he had taken to grabbing on either side. "Dammit brat! Let go already!" he shouted.

"No! Get off and let me sleep!" Deidara shouted back.

Sasori released Deidara with a raised brow.

The younger male immediately relaxed, thinking his danna had given up.

Sasori smirked, giving the blonde a fierce wedgie in response.

Deidara howled, rolling out of bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. He looked up with a glare, lunging for his partner with a scowl. "You bastard!"

Sasori easily dodged the punches coming his way before kicking Deidara's legs out from underneath of him and pinning him to the floor on his stomach. He twisted one of the brat's arms behind his back, a smug look on his face. "Were you even _trying_?" he teased.

Deidara turned red in anger, using his free hand to grab Sasori's pant leg and throw the puppet off of him. He was indeed lightweight. Deidara rolled to his feet, only to cry out in surprise as the redhead ran at him and yanked his shirt halfway up his head, causing his arms to stick straight up in the air and his vision to disappear.

Sasori stepped back and laughed loudly. "You look even stupider than usual brat."

"S-Shut the hell up!" Deidara cried, trying and failing to get himself out of his makeshift prison.

Sasori couldn't help himself. He kicked the blonde in his now visible stomach, causing him to fall onto his back. He probably would have sat on the poor kid too if it hadn't been for Itachi walking past the open doorway and deciding to intervene.

"Still picking on him as much as before I see," Itachi said with a slight smirk as he walked in.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Oh nothing much…" Itachi suddenly jumped forward, pushing Sasori into Deidara's bedpost with a snigger before hauling Deidara up and throwing him over his shoulder, running out the door.

Sasori blinked with wide eyes and hurriedly regained balance, rushing after Itachi.

Itachi was well on his way down the corridor, a snickering blonde cackling happily.

"Thanks for saving me Itachi," Deidara cooed with a devious smirk.

Sasori's brow quirked as he skidded out into the hallway, pointing fiercely at the escaping Uchiha. "Get back here with my partner you friend stealing bastard!"

Hidan roared angrily, kicking his door down and stepping in front of the trio chasing each other. "WHY DO YOU FUCKERS INSIST ON SCREAMING FIRST THING IN THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING MORNING?"

Itachi blinked several times. "Speak for yourself Hidan."

Hidan turned flaming eyes onto him, twitching violently. "W-What was that…?"

Itachi paused, setting Deidara down before booking it in the opposite direction.

Sasori laughed, following after Itachi a second later. Deidara blanched, still struggling in the confines of his shirt. "You jerks un! Don't leave me here to die!"

Hidan cackled manically. "You're mine now Deidara-_chan_."

Deidara felt a vein pop, running away after his danna and raven-haired friend. "Don't call me that you monster!" he shouted whilst blindly running through the hall and arms flailing above him.

Hidan ran close behind, weapon in hand.

~X~

Pein was sitting at the kitchen table, staring down into his mug of coffee with his eye twitching. "How...is this possible...?"

Kakuzu scoffed from where he sat across from him, skimming through a newspaper. "Well what did you expect? All of us to hold hands and skip through the fields?"

Pein threw his coffee at the man's head.

Konan rolled her eyes from where she was eating breakfast at the kitchen counter. "You're cleaning that mess up."

Pein scowled, slunking down in his chair as Kisame entered as Konan handed him a plate of food.

Kisame grinned, listening to the thundering footsteps echoing above them. "Yet another peaceful morning, huh Leader-san?"

Pein glowered. "You're lucky I have nothing to throw..."

Kisame only laughed.

~X~

Deidara suddenly came to a halt, turning around. "You wanna fight Hidan hmm?"

Hidan also stopped, eyes dangerously narrowing. "Finally I get the chance to rip your annoying mouth off your even more annoying face!"

"I'd like to see you try," Sasori's voice snorted. He cut away the blonde's shirt with a kunai from the back, giving his partner full mobile freedom of his body once again.

"You wouldn't be able to, even if you _did _try," Itachi's voice joined in a moment later.

Deidara grinned, sticking out all three of his visible tongue. "Don't think we didn't learn anything from those tests Hidan-no-baka."

Hidan popped a vein, waving his scythe around. "What the fuck was that!"

Sasori and Itachi stepped up on either side of him.

"We should really learn to work together," Itachi said.

"As a team," Sasori smugly added, a hand on his hip.

Hidan gaped. "What are you idiots blabbering on about?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes with a smile, hands forming quick seals.

Sasori held out his hands, the palms shooting out two identical metal pipes.

Deidara smirked, waving an arm and blowing a large clay bird in his direction.

The three struck a pose. "FIRE STYLE: FIRE'S EXPLOSIVE BLAST NO JUTSU!"

Hidan's eyes bugged. "WHAT THE-!"

The sprinklers went off again.

~X~

Zetsu looked up at the base from where he was tending to his garden outside, a watering pot in his hands. "They're at it again…" **"Well what did you expect?" **"Hmm…good point."

Tobi walked up behind him, mask in hand and a brow raised as he saw flames burst out one of the base's windows. "When did we get windows?" he asked.

Zetsu shrugged. **"Beats me. You gonna head in there or what?" **

Tobi scoffed, turning around and heading right back to where he had come from. "Yeah right. I'll leave the chaos to Pein."

"**Like you do everyday…"**

Tobi whirled around with a popped vein, chucking his mask at the plant man's head. "Shut up!" He would have gone on, but was cut off by freakishly loud hoots and catcalls from inside the base.

~X~

"FUCKIN' BITCHES!"

"OH- YOU WANT SOME MORE UN? COME AND GET IT HOE!"

There was something that sounded vaguely like a giant tsunami of fire had consumed the entire sleeping quarters of the Akatsuki base, followed by several loud bangs and screams of victory.

Which were quickly cut off by a livid and now burnt to a crisp Jashinist.

"IMMA KILL YOU HEATHENS!"

"HE'S STILL ALIVE UN!"

"RUN!"

"I'VE GOT THIS! KATON: GOKAKYUU NO JUTSU!"

Another fireball barreled down the hall.

~X~

The four in the kitchen listened with mixed expressions of horror, amusement, and disbelief.

Kakuzu growled, already pushing back from the table to find out how much the damage cost.

Kisame sighed and watched him leave, glancing at his leader shortly afterwards as his breakfast was ruined. "I think you've given teamwork a whole new meaning Leader-san… And awakened Itachi's inner child."

Pein sighed heavily. "Why does everything I do end up backfiring?"

Konan smirked from where she was washing her plate with the water raining down from the ceiling. "You just gave them all another reason to argue. But your attempts to calm them were nice," she snickered.

Pein groaned, putting his head in his hands before pushing to his feet and slamming his palms onto the table. "EVERYONE OUTSIDE THE BASE- _NOW!_"

* * *

><p><strong>~Owari~<strong>


End file.
